All I Loved, I Loved Alone

 All I loved,

I loved alone

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Even as a child,

I knew I didn’t belong

there was something broken in me.

Inside I had a black hole

that nothing could fill.

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I thought I had the wrong nose,

the wrong mouth

the wrong cheekbones

I only liked my blue eyes

and my creative soul.

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I was also ashamed

of things done to me

that I couldn't control

I didn’t know

it was not my fault at four.

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I didn't feel as pretty 

as the other girls,

the ones who smiled

with pearly white teeth

and the boys followed.

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As far as I can remember

I carried sadness

deep in my damaged soul.

I was too young to know

what was wrong.

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Why did I have to carry 

such deep sorrow?

Why was my world grey and empty?

while others lived

neath rainbows and blue skies.

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 And all I loved,

I loved alone