Woman on the Street

Characters 

Bonnie Byline = local news reporter 

Godzilla = a local man-sized monster 

Sam Sham = peddler 

D-red = Agent of Vermin/Bug Death 

Scene opens on a city sidewalk.  Herds of people pass from left to right downstage of the reporter and whomever she pulls from the masses.  

Bonnie Byline : (speaking with a microphone to an imagined cameraman)  Hi folks! Bonnie Byline out with the man on the street. Instead of asking any questions important to us, we will let the pedestrians provide comments on whatever. Here's a fellow here. Sir, what's your name?   

Godzilla: (the six-foot-tall dinosaur roared, sounding like a greasy glove on a bass fiddle) 

Bonnie Byline  :  Oh, I see. You’re a visitor from out of town. 

Godzilla : (roared and shot a stream of fire from its mouth) 

Bonnie Byline:  (stepping between our sight and Godzilla, Bonnie stops another person)  Hello, sir. May we speak? 

Sam Sham : (staring directly at the “cameraman”)  Why, of course. I am Sam Sham the Flim Flam and I like joining people together with great products. I have been waiting for someone just like to impress with the quality of Wenceslas Worm Sauce. 

Bonnie Byline:  (choking back some vomit) I’m sorry, Sam, but that product sounds disgusting. 

Sam Sham: (spinning 360 and staring at the camera)  That’s exactly what everyone said prior to tasting the actual sauce.   

A tall cloaked figure seems to come from the crowd, disturbing no one, and attracting no attention. The robed entity approaches Bonnie Byline.  

Bonnie Byline : Ah, hello, Sir. May I help you? 

Sam Sham: (talking to the back of the black-robed figure as if he wasn't standing between he and Bonnie)   I told you my name is Sam the Sham, the Flim Flam. 

Bonnie Byline : No one cares.  (then, looking up to the tall cloaked visitor)  What do you have for our listeners, Sir? 

D-red : There was an electrostatic shock which affected this whole block so I am here to collect sixty billion dead cockroaches.  

Bonnie Byline: (shocked) Did you say cockroaches? 

D-red: Along with a few billion assorted other bugs. 

Bonnie Byline : You collect dead bugs? 

D-red: Please, I work alone.

Bonnie Byline: Are you insane? 

D-red: (subtle chuckle)  

Bonnie Byline: Is that your answer? 

D-red: (looks at the wrist watch on his boney arm) 

Bonnie Byline : No one seems to be able to see you. Why can I? 

D-red: You must have extremely acute vermin vision. 

Bonnie Byline : Vermin are not bugs.

D-red: They fill the same space in peoples’ hearts. 

Bonnie Byline : So you are the Angel of Death for – vermin and insects? 

D-red: We are known as AGENTS of Death nowadays. Some legal reason I assume.  

Bonnie Byline : So there are more of you? 

D-red: A couple that I know of, but they cover different areas. 

Bonnie Byline: Different vicinities? 

D-red: No. One is your straight Agent of Death for people. He’s known as DED. Then there's one for dead vegetation.  

Bonnie Byline: Dead vegetation?

 D-red: Sure. You know – if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s there, is there an Agent of Death for Vegetation? Now you know.

Sam Sham: (to Bonnie) So where are we on the purchase of Wenceslas Worm Sauce? 

Bonnie Byline: No thanks, Mr. Sham. Perhaps the Agent of Death for Vermin and Insects would be interested? 

D-red: Don’t make me sick. 

Bonnie Byline: (to D-red) How can worm sauce be worse than vermin and insects?

Sam Sham: Uh – my point exactly. 

D-red: I’m collecting – not ingesting. Do I look crazy? 

Bonnie Byline: (to D-red) You look a bit thin.

Sam Sham: I’ve been on the road a while.  

D-red: Okay. I’ve got work to do.  

Bonnie Byline seems to immediately forget seeing D-red and buys a jar of Wenceslas Worm Sauce from Sam.

The End