Ben Paul Persons
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Ben Paul Persons, Ch 7"A fresh calling
10 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
Ben Paul and Sylvia save the day again. This is becoming a collection of neat and interesting stories where they go around solving problems. They make a great team.
I found a few things confusing in this chapter, though.
"The building fund money is gone. Nine thousand dollars. Gone."
It wasn't actually gone, it was just overstated on the financial statements and didn't match what was in the bank. He is misleading Ben Paul and Sylvia (and the readers) into thinking it's all gone by stating it this way and should have said "They think I stole $9,000 from the building fund."
I didn't understand the following line: "But he might. Your job is to trust and obey." Who is "he" and what might he do?
The sermon Ben Paul gave seemed irrelevant to what happens later in the chapter. Granted, Ben Paul had prepared this in advance and wouldn't have known about the Caples' problem, but you, as the author, can choose a topic that has some relevance to the problem. I think it's always good when you can tie things together. Perhaps something about jumping to conclusions without full knowledge would have fit in well. It shouldn't be too directly tied to the subsequent events because that would be too coincidental, but just something or some part of it that would be relevant.
"When the two were finished, Edith quickly added the cash and the checks together for a total. A light went on in Syvia's head."
I'm not sure why this triggered anything for Sylvia, because that was not the source of the problem of double counting.
"Sylvia pointed out that for the past two months the columns had been added together: total giving, and the designated funds. She didn't need to elaborate. Both Edith and Pastor Caples saw the double counting, adding the designated totals as if they, too, were offerings."
I am kind of dense, and I had to read this over several times and try to picture what the source of the error was. I know it was very clear in your mind, but I think most readers need a little more and clearer explanation. The real problem was the redundancy caused by those slips of paper representing the checks not in envelopes being added to the pile of designated envelopes. You might consider reminding the readers of that fact to make it clearer why there was double counting.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2024
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Ben Paul and Sylvia save the day again. This is becoming a collection of neat and interesting stories where they go around solving problems. They make a great team.
I found a few things confusing in this chapter, though.
"The building fund money is gone. Nine thousand dollars. Gone."
It wasn't actually gone, it was just overstated on the financial statements and didn't match what was in the bank. He is misleading Ben Paul and Sylvia (and the readers) into thinking it's all gone by stating it this way and should have said "They think I stole $9,000 from the building fund."
I didn't understand the following line: "But he might. Your job is to trust and obey." Who is "he" and what might he do?
The sermon Ben Paul gave seemed irrelevant to what happens later in the chapter. Granted, Ben Paul had prepared this in advance and wouldn't have known about the Caples' problem, but you, as the author, can choose a topic that has some relevance to the problem. I think it's always good when you can tie things together. Perhaps something about jumping to conclusions without full knowledge would have fit in well. It shouldn't be too directly tied to the subsequent events because that would be too coincidental, but just something or some part of it that would be relevant.
"When the two were finished, Edith quickly added the cash and the checks together for a total. A light went on in Syvia's head."
I'm not sure why this triggered anything for Sylvia, because that was not the source of the problem of double counting.
"Sylvia pointed out that for the past two months the columns had been added together: total giving, and the designated funds. She didn't need to elaborate. Both Edith and Pastor Caples saw the double counting, adding the designated totals as if they, too, were offerings."
I am kind of dense, and I had to read this over several times and try to picture what the source of the error was. I know it was very clear in your mind, but I think most readers need a little more and clearer explanation. The real problem was the redundancy caused by those slips of paper representing the checks not in envelopes being added to the pile of designated envelopes. You might consider reminding the readers of that fact to make it clearer why there was double counting.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2024
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Thank you. Looks like I have some work to do.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A very warm tale of how Ben Paul and Sylvia are lead to a church where the pastor and his wife are accused to stealing money. They find it to be a clerical error, which is good, but they were also able to teach their own lesson on the seven deadly sins.
Well done,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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A very warm tale of how Ben Paul and Sylvia are lead to a church where the pastor and his wife are accused to stealing money. They find it to be a clerical error, which is good, but they were also able to teach their own lesson on the seven deadly sins.
Well done,
Rhonda
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thank you I appreciate you very kind review.
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent chapter. The mistake in the accounting is an easy one to make, and another pair of eyes to pick up such things is essential. It is sad when people are too quick to judge and condemn others and make false accusations. am glad that Ben Paul and Sylvia were able to help, and hopefully the words of his sermon will sink in and they will change. Well written.
Wendy
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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An excellent chapter. The mistake in the accounting is an easy one to make, and another pair of eyes to pick up such things is essential. It is sad when people are too quick to judge and condemn others and make false accusations. am glad that Ben Paul and Sylvia were able to help, and hopefully the words of his sermon will sink in and they will change. Well written.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thank you very much for your great review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
If Ben doesn't point out where the problem is, Sylvia does. They have their detective business working very well. It isn't giving them money for the trip, but it certainly helps the people who need God's help.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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If Ben doesn't point out where the problem is, Sylvia does. They have their detective business working very well. It isn't giving them money for the trip, but it certainly helps the people who need God's help.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thank you. I appreciate your very nice review.
Comment from eliz100
I am back on FanStory after a long hiatus. This is an excellent chapter. I have always liked reading your work. I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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I am back on FanStory after a long hiatus. This is an excellent chapter. I have always liked reading your work. I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thank you.
And welcome back.
Comment from jim vecchio
I was once the treasurer of a church, but I mainly counted the money and banked it. Thank you for this interesting chapter. I particularly liked the discourse on the sins. There is a difference between pride and the fulfillment that comes from serving God. Nehemiah could ask God to remember him for his good without being overly prideful.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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I was once the treasurer of a church, but I mainly counted the money and banked it. Thank you for this interesting chapter. I particularly liked the discourse on the sins. There is a difference between pride and the fulfillment that comes from serving God. Nehemiah could ask God to remember him for his good without being overly prideful.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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I love you, Man. Your reviews always lift me up.
I was treasurer/bookkeeper for a while and ran across this very problem.
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Good thing my church was so small, there were not very many problems. Love you, too!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
So Edith made an accounting error? That was a pretty easy save for Ben Paul and Sylvia -- this time!
See you next time, Wayne. BTW, are you traveling over the holidays? Housesitting for someone off skiing in the Alps or some such?
xo
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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So Edith made an accounting error? That was a pretty easy save for Ben Paul and Sylvia -- this time!
See you next time, Wayne. BTW, are you traveling over the holidays? Housesitting for someone off skiing in the Alps or some such?
xo
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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hah!
We had Thanksgiving in Chicago and Moline.
Then a VRBO at Gulf Shores.
We're moving MIL (93) to a different assisted living facility in a couple weeks and will have to be handy for a few weeks after that. (You can't please the old gal) grinding teeth face here
Comment from lyenochka
I think they need a professional accountant on the staff. Of course, it has happened that an accountant made off with the church funds, too! Sigh. Humans!
You are getting great at creating a flash story with sharing a problem and wrapping it up with a solution very quickly!
Typo:
financial reports?" Sylvis asked. (Sylvia)
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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I think they need a professional accountant on the staff. Of course, it has happened that an accountant made off with the church funds, too! Sigh. Humans!
You are getting great at creating a flash story with sharing a problem and wrapping it up with a solution very quickly!
Typo:
financial reports?" Sylvis asked. (Sylvia)
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thank you.
My natural chapters generally tend to be 2-3K wds, but that doesn't suit in FS where 1500 word chapters are easier to review. So...
Thanks for the catch. I can't tell you how many Sylvis I've had to go back and fix!
Comment from Lana Marie
Yes, I was reading your story. I came across this word and parentheses that you might want to edit.
" (The )was general laughter among the parishioners."
That was a nice chapter that turned out well at the end. Would not be fun to be accused of something you didn't know. I'm glad that they were able to pray and trust God. I haven't read any of the other chapters,
But I like the spiritual component because I can relate to trusting God and doing what he's called us to do regardless of the pay.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Yes, I was reading your story. I came across this word and parentheses that you might want to edit.
" (The )was general laughter among the parishioners."
That was a nice chapter that turned out well at the end. Would not be fun to be accused of something you didn't know. I'm glad that they were able to pray and trust God. I haven't read any of the other chapters,
But I like the spiritual component because I can relate to trusting God and doing what he's called us to do regardless of the pay.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thank you for hopping in. And for your great review. There are about 30 more chapters. I introduced Ben Paul's father about 120 chapters ago.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Wayne,
What a great chapter to your book. It seems that Ben Paul and Sylvia have come to the rescue once again. Your story is well done and flows nicely.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Wayne,
What a great chapter to your book. It seems that Ben Paul and Sylvia have come to the rescue once again. Your story is well done and flows nicely.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Thank you. One day at a time, doing as God leads.
I appreciate your very kind review.
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You're welcome
