Ben Paul Persons
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Ben Paul Persons Ch 10"A fresh calling
8 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Wayne, I've been on a little bit of a sabbatical from posting to give myself more time for reviewing and it was good to come back to your theme of God's calling. I always love the dialogue which is so effective in helping the reader catch up on events and absorb the mood of the age. Clearly their reception in St Louis is not what they would have hoped and Ben is tested to the limit by Antwan who's plain nasty to him. But the stand-off is won by Ben who, with Sylvia, recognise that this is the place where they are needed for the time being. Thank you for sharing, Wayne, and my apologies for not being very conversant with all that's been going on. Warm wishes Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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Wayne, I've been on a little bit of a sabbatical from posting to give myself more time for reviewing and it was good to come back to your theme of God's calling. I always love the dialogue which is so effective in helping the reader catch up on events and absorb the mood of the age. Clearly their reception in St Louis is not what they would have hoped and Ben is tested to the limit by Antwan who's plain nasty to him. But the stand-off is won by Ben who, with Sylvia, recognise that this is the place where they are needed for the time being. Thank you for sharing, Wayne, and my apologies for not being very conversant with all that's been going on. Warm wishes Debbie
Comment Written 28-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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Thank you for your great review.
No apology necessary. It's a pretty busy time of year.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
St. Louis didn't treat Ben Paul and Sylvia too kindly. The faithful either all died off, moved away, or lost their faith like Antwan. Ben Paul and Sylvia have to start making their own sandwiches and making plans for what they wished to do next. (My Mom's people are from Milan, Mo. and they talk so slowly you can fall asleep before they finish a sentence.) Have a great holiday season and a wonderful new year.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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St. Louis didn't treat Ben Paul and Sylvia too kindly. The faithful either all died off, moved away, or lost their faith like Antwan. Ben Paul and Sylvia have to start making their own sandwiches and making plans for what they wished to do next. (My Mom's people are from Milan, Mo. and they talk so slowly you can fall asleep before they finish a sentence.) Have a great holiday season and a wonderful new year.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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You are right. The area of Tony's church is now a rundown inner city.
Antwan has fallen badly. And the son of Tony's best friend (a minister) has 'fallen' in a different way - fallen to success, a preacher in it for the money.
Ben Paul and Sylvia have a challenge before them.
Thank you for your very nice review.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
"I have an address in St. Louis of a church." - Unclear if you mean Ben Paul's preaching there.
Nit-picky: "Oh, yeah," a neighbor said, an old man who using a cane slowly made it to the door. You can make your point with: "Oh, yeah," an elderly neighbor offered. "Pastor Renner, I remember him."
You've heard of clean freaks? I'm a lean freak:-0
Close your quotes after ... much loved man.
but for his father... or had he? - Do you mean or for his father?
"So you're the famous Ben Paul Persons ..." I would introduce Antwan into the scene before you have him speak; it's a little confusing.
"After a stare-down that Ben Paul won ..." If so, then why does Antwan WATCH them turn and walk away?
Wayne, I honestly had trouble following a lot of this. I know YOU know what's going on in the story, and what has happened in the past, but some may be reading this for the first time and some of us (like me) don't remember other characters mentioned in past books. I also felt as though this chapter was rushed. I pointed out a few things, but there were more than a few that seemed confusing to me. I have found through my own trial and error that too many words can lose your reader.
This should be 4 stars if I'm following the system, but you're a friend and I know you can do better.
I hope you take this review as it was meant, an ask to slow it down and write for your readers.
xo
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2024
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"I have an address in St. Louis of a church." - Unclear if you mean Ben Paul's preaching there.
Nit-picky: "Oh, yeah," a neighbor said, an old man who using a cane slowly made it to the door. You can make your point with: "Oh, yeah," an elderly neighbor offered. "Pastor Renner, I remember him."
You've heard of clean freaks? I'm a lean freak:-0
Close your quotes after ... much loved man.
but for his father... or had he? - Do you mean or for his father?
"So you're the famous Ben Paul Persons ..." I would introduce Antwan into the scene before you have him speak; it's a little confusing.
"After a stare-down that Ben Paul won ..." If so, then why does Antwan WATCH them turn and walk away?
Wayne, I honestly had trouble following a lot of this. I know YOU know what's going on in the story, and what has happened in the past, but some may be reading this for the first time and some of us (like me) don't remember other characters mentioned in past books. I also felt as though this chapter was rushed. I pointed out a few things, but there were more than a few that seemed confusing to me. I have found through my own trial and error that too many words can lose your reader.
This should be 4 stars if I'm following the system, but you're a friend and I know you can do better.
I hope you take this review as it was meant, an ask to slow it down and write for your readers.
xo
Comment Written 26-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2024
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Of course I take your review as it was meant (You're a friend, after all) smiley face here
Normally, I too am a lean freak. I've been trying lately to paint more broadly. Sometimes it bites back.
I'll give this chapter (and the next) a couple hard looks.
Thank you for your honesty.
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Thanks for understanding.
Comment from lyenochka
That's a hilarious list of international city names in the US.
I do remember tornado in Joplin.
I remember that shooting incident but wasn't quite clear why Antwan is so antagonistic. Shouldn't his name be Antoine?
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2024
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That's a hilarious list of international city names in the US.
I do remember tornado in Joplin.
I remember that shooting incident but wasn't quite clear why Antwan is so antagonistic. Shouldn't his name be Antoine?
Comment Written 26-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2024
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Antwan was born Anthony, the product of a African-American rapist and Ellsabeth. Somewhere along the way he changed his own name. I never wrote of his life. At some point he 'fell away' and became the owner of the pool hall. Here he is in his 60s. More on him in coming chapters.
Thank you for taking the time to review.
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I remember the story of the rape and the child. Thanks for filling me in on his life.
Comment from jim vecchio
Merry Christmas! I'm enjoying the way this story is going, and how Christianity is prevalent in it. I Like the little touches, as with the squirrels. In my younger days, all the squirrels knew me as a provider of food. I, too, have seen many colored ones. I knew an Antwan (or Antoine, not sure) in one of my churches and he was a questionable figure. Also many of the city names are familiar, but from different states.
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Merry Christmas! I'm enjoying the way this story is going, and how Christianity is prevalent in it. I Like the little touches, as with the squirrels. In my younger days, all the squirrels knew me as a provider of food. I, too, have seen many colored ones. I knew an Antwan (or Antoine, not sure) in one of my churches and he was a questionable figure. Also many of the city names are familiar, but from different states.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Thank you.
I totally ignore the dictum of removing all that is not plot.
And thank you immensely for the six stars!
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You deserve it!
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Wayne,
This is a great addition to your book. It seems like Ben Parson and Sylvia are always finding some kind of trouble. That's what they do though and solve puzzles. Kind of confused about this dead pastor.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Wayne,
This is a great addition to your book. It seems like Ben Parson and Sylvia are always finding some kind of trouble. That's what they do though and solve puzzles. Kind of confused about this dead pastor.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 25-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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He died of old age.
Tony Bertelli was 110 years older than Ben Paul.
Thank you for your very nice review.
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You're welcome
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story is full of well written dialogue. You made me feel like I was right there with Ben Paul and Sylvia. I loved the humor. The scenes flowed naturally and I could sense the emotion in Ben Paul's past. This is such an enjoyable read, and I can't wait to see where their journey leads next!
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Your story is full of well written dialogue. You made me feel like I was right there with Ben Paul and Sylvia. I loved the humor. The scenes flowed naturally and I could sense the emotion in Ben Paul's past. This is such an enjoyable read, and I can't wait to see where their journey leads next!
Comment Written 25-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Thank you very much for your very kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Great chapter . . . well, like they all are. But this is one that should put us all to thinking. With all the natural disasters we're having these days, we should be ready for just about anything. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six. Merry Christmas!
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Great chapter . . . well, like they all are. But this is one that should put us all to thinking. With all the natural disasters we're having these days, we should be ready for just about anything. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six. Merry Christmas!
Comment Written 25-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Thank you. I truly appreciate your great reviews!
