The 18th Hole
Contest prompt -- rhymed poem life changing event35 total reviews
Comment from Curt Mongold
A wonderful sentiment to put on paper my friend. Having never been an avid golfer myself, my father was, and your words remind me of him now that he has passed.
Great piece.
Sincerely,
Curt
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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A wonderful sentiment to put on paper my friend. Having never been an avid golfer myself, my father was, and your words remind me of him now that he has passed.
Great piece.
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thanks for the encouraging and positive review.
Comment from Domino
Hi, Kathy
The contest, fun an originality is all there; it's just the flow that's very sticky ta me. I dunno whether you bother with meter, but in rhymed quatrain it reads so much smoother, IMHO. I hope you're not offended if I hoghlight a coupla lines where I've included 'da-DUM' syllable emphasis;
You chase the ball from hole to hole,
and walk the course with glee.
Remembering the 'eagle's' thrill,
the camaraderie.
With a regular even syllable count of eight, six, eight, six, and emphasising the second and then alternate syllables, this makes for better flow, IMHO
Just an idea. I enyoyed your poem, especially bein a bit of a golfer. Best wishes, Ray xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Hi, Kathy
The contest, fun an originality is all there; it's just the flow that's very sticky ta me. I dunno whether you bother with meter, but in rhymed quatrain it reads so much smoother, IMHO. I hope you're not offended if I hoghlight a coupla lines where I've included 'da-DUM' syllable emphasis;
You chase the ball from hole to hole,
and walk the course with glee.
Remembering the 'eagle's' thrill,
the camaraderie.
With a regular even syllable count of eight, six, eight, six, and emphasising the second and then alternate syllables, this makes for better flow, IMHO
Just an idea. I enyoyed your poem, especially bein a bit of a golfer. Best wishes, Ray xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thanks for the encouraging and positive review. I struggle with meter and appreciate your suggestion.
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???
Hi, Teri
This is confusing. I sent this review ta 'skye' and you've replied.
Wierd!
Ray xx
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Very well penned, my friend...
with a smooth flow to the words
throughtout.
A great entry for the contest.
Good luck,
Margaret.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Very well penned, my friend...
with a smooth flow to the words
throughtout.
A great entry for the contest.
Good luck,
Margaret.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thanks for the encouraging and positive review.
Comment from joan marie
This was wonderfully written. The flow was excellent. I can easily see why this is an all time best. Good luck to you in the contest. joan marie
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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This was wonderfully written. The flow was excellent. I can easily see why this is an all time best. Good luck to you in the contest. joan marie
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thanks for the encouraging and positive review.
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Your welcome, jm
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Very nice entry into the contest...much enjoyed the read. A touching and very emotive write. Good luck in the booth. Hugs and smiles, Susanne
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Very nice entry into the contest...much enjoyed the read. A touching and very emotive write. Good luck in the booth. Hugs and smiles, Susanne
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and such great comments.
Comment from Tellis
A wonderful poem and so eloquently written. A true golfer I take it. Thanks for the great read, I enjoyed it a lot.
Tellis
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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A wonderful poem and so eloquently written. A true golfer I take it. Thanks for the great read, I enjoyed it a lot.
Tellis
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and such great comments.
Comment from Nicholas Maughan
Not much could or should be changed in this work, it is to the point and in some ways accurate, in its approach to (as a famous writer once said:- "A good walk spoilt."
However, the only change that I might have made, is to the Title, I might just have called it - "The Nineteenth Hole."
Which is of course reference to the "Club-house," this is a fine work and should be well regarded as such.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Not much could or should be changed in this work, it is to the point and in some ways accurate, in its approach to (as a famous writer once said:- "A good walk spoilt."
However, the only change that I might have made, is to the Title, I might just have called it - "The Nineteenth Hole."
Which is of course reference to the "Club-house," this is a fine work and should be well regarded as such.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and such great comments.
Comment from ulster3
Hi skye.
This is an excellent and flowing write. It should do well by you in the contest. It is a poignant piece of work, yet there is a joy that comes through too. It takes good writing skills to manage such a thing. Rebecca
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Hi skye.
This is an excellent and flowing write. It should do well by you in the contest. It is a poignant piece of work, yet there is a joy that comes through too. It takes good writing skills to manage such a thing. Rebecca
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and such great comments.
Comment from amada
You wrote with much imagery and heart. I like the step by step game of golf, mixed the sadness and the longing for the one who is no longer playing his favorite sport.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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You wrote with much imagery and heart. I like the step by step game of golf, mixed the sadness and the longing for the one who is no longer playing his favorite sport.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and such great comments.
Comment from jaeladarling
It's generally hard for me to look past rhyming in poetry, but you've got good flow and structure, and the imagery is outstanding. I don't like golf, really, but I like this poem. Nice work.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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It's generally hard for me to look past rhyming in poetry, but you've got good flow and structure, and the imagery is outstanding. I don't like golf, really, but I like this poem. Nice work.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and such great comments.
