Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Threatening Orphan"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
27 total reviews
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, did you switch the characters? Vision is a female in the introductory prologue and sound is a male. Makes more sense the way you wrote this one. I like where this one is going with a sci-fi feel and yet ancient at the same time. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, did you switch the characters? Vision is a female in the introductory prologue and sound is a male. Makes more sense the way you wrote this one. I like where this one is going with a sci-fi feel and yet ancient at the same time. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
wow mikey you sure write so very beautifully dear friend this an excellent piece of reading really enjoyed just started my own story today posted two chapters on site an irishmans hell getting rid of the shadows that darken my past loved your piece
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wow mikey you sure write so very beautifully dear friend this an excellent piece of reading really enjoyed just started my own story today posted two chapters on site an irishmans hell getting rid of the shadows that darken my past loved your piece
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from Nosha17
You definitely have a very complicated, but highly imaginative mind- a very well thought out story. Good use of descriptive language and interesting characters. I got confused at one point, when you said in Para 8, Sound's clan, didn't you mean Vision's clan, I thought Sound didn't have one yet. Enjoyable read. Faye
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You definitely have a very complicated, but highly imaginative mind- a very well thought out story. Good use of descriptive language and interesting characters. I got confused at one point, when you said in Para 8, Sound's clan, didn't you mean Vision's clan, I thought Sound didn't have one yet. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
The entire concept of this story is fascinating enough to keep me reading. Can you just post the entire book right now so I won't have to pause? Ha. Seriously, I like that the story-teller seems to be an all-knowing soul qualified to tell the tale. I like that you explain many terms are used just so the reader can relate or visualize using present day understanding. Wonderful piece of work.
I love this line..... "Imagine trying to lift a waterbed out of a frame and press it over your head. Vision's name would sound similar to the cry you would make after an hour of trying."
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The entire concept of this story is fascinating enough to keep me reading. Can you just post the entire book right now so I won't have to pause? Ha. Seriously, I like that the story-teller seems to be an all-knowing soul qualified to tell the tale. I like that you explain many terms are used just so the reader can relate or visualize using present day understanding. Wonderful piece of work.
I love this line..... "Imagine trying to lift a waterbed out of a frame and press it over your head. Vision's name would sound similar to the cry you would make after an hour of trying."
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Very interesting story you've started, Mikey. Curious to see where it goes. Love the depiction of humor in a cave man's life.
Comments:
Too many sentences begin with the word, "Vision".
There's an overuse of their names, Vision and Sound.
A good edit could tighten up the chapter and make for smoother reading.
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Very interesting story you've started, Mikey. Curious to see where it goes. Love the depiction of humor in a cave man's life.
Comments:
Too many sentences begin with the word, "Vision".
There's an overuse of their names, Vision and Sound.
A good edit could tighten up the chapter and make for smoother reading.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from CR Delport
That is the wonder about being a writer. You might have a general idea where you want to go with the story, but you can see it develop. Nice introduction to the characters. This chapter is well written and I spotted no obvious errors.
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That is the wonder about being a writer. You might have a general idea where you want to go with the story, but you can see it develop. Nice introduction to the characters. This chapter is well written and I spotted no obvious errors.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from faragon
Good story so far. The first meeting took me by surprise as I was expecting it to be between a man & a woman, forgetting the "souls" can assume any sex that is given to them.
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Good story so far. The first meeting took me by surprise as I was expecting it to be between a man & a woman, forgetting the "souls" can assume any sex that is given to them.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, Michael, I have to admit to having confusion in parts where it seemed like you were putting in thoughts after the narrator's words.
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this is very well written, Michael, I have to admit to having confusion in parts where it seemed like you were putting in thoughts after the narrator's words.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
Vision and Sound meet on earth. Vision had already improved humans hunting skills. They are advancing and evolving because of these skills. Sound teaches them more skills. They use these skills long after Sound and Vision return to heaven. Sound and Vision do not meet again for a thousand years. Vision is keeping an eye on Sound. Great work. The souls are helping humans.
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Vision and Sound meet on earth. Vision had already improved humans hunting skills. They are advancing and evolving because of these skills. Sound teaches them more skills. They use these skills long after Sound and Vision return to heaven. Sound and Vision do not meet again for a thousand years. Vision is keeping an eye on Sound. Great work. The souls are helping humans.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
Comment from CHIGYSISKI
Nice chapter.Don't know if this was intentional:
Should the word in parenthesis read 'ensure'?
Vision had enough power in the tribe to 'insure' Sound's inclusion and survival.
Well done.
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Nice chapter.Don't know if this was intentional:
Should the word in parenthesis read 'ensure'?
Vision had enough power in the tribe to 'insure' Sound's inclusion and survival.
Well done.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
