Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Born Enemies: Soon To Meet"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
19 total reviews
Comment from Michaelk
Good chapter. I like that Allutia is having doubts about betraying Tibertin. I also like the déjà -vu she is having, and realizes it's about him. I have a feeling that this one is also going to end tragic. But I can see this as ending 'Romeo and Juliet' tragic. Good dialogue with Allutia and Danaria. I like how she chastises Allutia for not telling her sooner. I am going to laugh my ass off if Tibertin defeats Allutia's father with the distraction technique he learned from her.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Good chapter. I like that Allutia is having doubts about betraying Tibertin. I also like the déjà -vu she is having, and realizes it's about him. I have a feeling that this one is also going to end tragic. But I can see this as ending 'Romeo and Juliet' tragic. Good dialogue with Allutia and Danaria. I like how she chastises Allutia for not telling her sooner. I am going to laugh my ass off if Tibertin defeats Allutia's father with the distraction technique he learned from her.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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My computer crashed! I think you're reading my mind though I haven't decided what happens yet. Thanks for the great input.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I loved this chapter. First of all, the part that starts here: "It is said that the spirit within us does not die. It becomes part of something greater. There are those that believe that some have been here before.
The whole reincarnation thing is working great.
Secondly, the military strategy of just confusing the enemy... brilliant! You could have made a great general for Rome... maybe you were one in another life. :)
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I loved this chapter. First of all, the part that starts here: "It is said that the spirit within us does not die. It becomes part of something greater. There are those that believe that some have been here before.
The whole reincarnation thing is working great.
Secondly, the military strategy of just confusing the enemy... brilliant! You could have made a great general for Rome... maybe you were one in another life. :)
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from Loren (7)
You've really strengthen the dialect of the times you are in. A couple of lines I stumbled over: Oh, Auntie, I am confused (Suggest another word for Auntie and confused, they just seem to contemporary. The other line: But, sir, you are signaling... (Suggest another word for sir. Sir almost sounds to youthful in this context. Good job! The way you've structured this chapter adds to the building tension. Loren
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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You've really strengthen the dialect of the times you are in. A couple of lines I stumbled over: Oh, Auntie, I am confused (Suggest another word for Auntie and confused, they just seem to contemporary. The other line: But, sir, you are signaling... (Suggest another word for sir. Sir almost sounds to youthful in this context. Good job! The way you've structured this chapter adds to the building tension. Loren
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Good calls on both of those. I'm still at a loss on what to call her Aunt! I know "Auntie" isn't the answer. I'll mull it over. If anything occurs to you... Please! Pleased you like the dialect. This is a fun write for me. I hadn't intended this section to be so long, but it just took off! Thanks for all your help. mikey
Comment from Sasha
Very nice work with this one. As usual, I have no suggestions for improvement as you seen to be doing just fine on you own. I am enjoying this story very much and anxiously look forward to the next post.
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Very nice work with this one. As usual, I have no suggestions for improvement as you seen to be doing just fine on you own. I am enjoying this story very much and anxiously look forward to the next post.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I do admire you for attempting this. For me, though, it's still difficult to read. I imagine this is just my own personal preference (or possibly ignorance). I don't think I'll review any more of these, though, because they just don't seem to be "my cup of tea."
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I do admire you for attempting this. For me, though, it's still difficult to read. I imagine this is just my own personal preference (or possibly ignorance). I don't think I'll review any more of these, though, because they just don't seem to be "my cup of tea."
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from nancy_e_davis
You would leave us there where the battle is about to happen? How fair is that Mikey. I like this story, it has love with an element of suspense and I am on the edge of my chair wanting more. Well done. Nancy
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You would leave us there where the battle is about to happen? How fair is that Mikey. I like this story, it has love with an element of suspense and I am on the edge of my chair wanting more. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from Nosha17
It is good to bring in the part of her awareness of prior knowledge of Tibertin in another life. The battle scenes are unfolding and it is a most enjoyable read. Faye
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It is good to bring in the part of her awareness of prior knowledge of Tibertin in another life. The battle scenes are unfolding and it is a most enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: I like your story and suspense with the slaves, armies and generals. How is the music going to help? May the Gods (gods) favor. Only one GOD. In the Bible, the music caused confusion, the chariots got stuck in the mire from the rain and the armies killed each other due to GOD's divine intervention and plan for the Israelites.
David made music from imported woods given to him by King Hiran of Tyre. They were Gentiles who had fast ships. I write stories on this.
1 Chronicles 25, 2 Chronicles 9 and Joshua 6 are examples of music in the Word.
I understand you are not fighting the Israelites, different story, very interesting and you are a terrific story teller! Excellent! What happens next????
flylikeaneagle
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Michael: I like your story and suspense with the slaves, armies and generals. How is the music going to help? May the Gods (gods) favor. Only one GOD. In the Bible, the music caused confusion, the chariots got stuck in the mire from the rain and the armies killed each other due to GOD's divine intervention and plan for the Israelites.
David made music from imported woods given to him by King Hiran of Tyre. They were Gentiles who had fast ships. I write stories on this.
1 Chronicles 25, 2 Chronicles 9 and Joshua 6 are examples of music in the Word.
I understand you are not fighting the Israelites, different story, very interesting and you are a terrific story teller! Excellent! What happens next????
flylikeaneagle
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from CR Delport
I often wonder about that. If you are enemies in this lifetime, what are the odds that you will be friends in another lifetime, or are you destined to be enemies for all eternity? Another fine chapter.
They had moved much further through the Romans could possibly anticipate. --- Not sure what you wanted to say here.
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I often wonder about that. If you are enemies in this lifetime, what are the odds that you will be friends in another lifetime, or are you destined to be enemies for all eternity? Another fine chapter.
They had moved much further through the Romans could possibly anticipate. --- Not sure what you wanted to say here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
