Dr. Howler's Nightmares
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Rest In Pieces"A collection of most unusual bedtime stories
15 total reviews
Comment from ellie6
Well deserved revenge. That'l teach the old buzzard!, Haunch of hand, anyone, fillet of forearm, loin of leg, chest chop anyone? All freshly cooked.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
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Well deserved revenge. That'l teach the old buzzard!, Haunch of hand, anyone, fillet of forearm, loin of leg, chest chop anyone? All freshly cooked.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Doctor Howler does have quite an imagination and I will let him see your comments as well.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Brett,
biggest suck-ups - something about this phrase seemed out of keeping with the language used in the rest of the piece.
I could extract my sweet revenge - exact may be a better fit here than extract.
cyanide poisoning is pretty instantaneous.
careless Coroner's sloppy autopsy had missed the fact the Judge had been poisoned / ten thousand dollar bribe I had slipped the Coroner - this is a little odd. Did the coroner fake it or miss it. It would seem unnecessary for both these things.
The revelation at the end doesn't really make any sense. He was poisoned, pronounced dead, had an autopsy carried out and carved alive and then beheaded. I think you tried to cram too much into this one, which is a shame as it was a well written piece.
GMG
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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2015
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Hi Brett,
biggest suck-ups - something about this phrase seemed out of keeping with the language used in the rest of the piece.
I could extract my sweet revenge - exact may be a better fit here than extract.
cyanide poisoning is pretty instantaneous.
careless Coroner's sloppy autopsy had missed the fact the Judge had been poisoned / ten thousand dollar bribe I had slipped the Coroner - this is a little odd. Did the coroner fake it or miss it. It would seem unnecessary for both these things.
The revelation at the end doesn't really make any sense. He was poisoned, pronounced dead, had an autopsy carried out and carved alive and then beheaded. I think you tried to cram too much into this one, which is a shame as it was a well written piece.
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.
Comment from tennesseerose
I like your story, it is intriguing and kept my attention throughout.
In p3, line 1, I would place a comma after "equally feared and respected" or lose the "the" after the words "equally ...". That would make it less confusing...
Revenge, yes, but he is going right back to the place he hated, right?
All in all, well written and east to read. Thanks.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
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I like your story, it is intriguing and kept my attention throughout.
In p3, line 1, I would place a comma after "equally feared and respected" or lose the "the" after the words "equally ...". That would make it less confusing...
Revenge, yes, but he is going right back to the place he hated, right?
All in all, well written and east to read. Thanks.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
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Thanks for your comments.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Brett,
I'm not especially fond of this kind of story although you are really great at writing them. So, since I like your writing, I will keep reading this kind of nightmarish writing. When I was young girl I was afraid to go to sleep because when I did I had this type of dreams. It was many years before they stopped.
Kat
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
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Hi Brett,
I'm not especially fond of this kind of story although you are really great at writing them. So, since I like your writing, I will keep reading this kind of nightmarish writing. When I was young girl I was afraid to go to sleep because when I did I had this type of dreams. It was many years before they stopped.
Kat
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
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Well, hopefully this one won't cause them to start up again. I do appreciate your comments and support however.
Comment from Judgement Dave
A fun little nightmare.
Probably more suitable for children as it's far too obvious what the feast is from the first mention of the 'very special meat I had slaved over a hot stove all morning preparing'.
I do have an issue as I'm not sure about exactly when/how the Judge died or his poisoning. As I read it, he was poisoned with cyanide, died and then the ME paid off to declare death by heart attack. But then the end indicates that he was alive (and conscious) when butchered.
Ok - maybe the dose of Cyanide was low enough not to kill but to render unconscious. Not certain how easy that is to do - and how easy it would be to bring him back to full consciousness. Cyanide can put people into comas.
Now if cyanide wasn't mentioned, I may not have these issues. I could easily buy into some 'mystery drug' making it look like he's dead and then paying for the fake autopsy and receiving an easily revivable 'corpse'.
Hope this makes sense.
Cheers
JD
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
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A fun little nightmare.
Probably more suitable for children as it's far too obvious what the feast is from the first mention of the 'very special meat I had slaved over a hot stove all morning preparing'.
I do have an issue as I'm not sure about exactly when/how the Judge died or his poisoning. As I read it, he was poisoned with cyanide, died and then the ME paid off to declare death by heart attack. But then the end indicates that he was alive (and conscious) when butchered.
Ok - maybe the dose of Cyanide was low enough not to kill but to render unconscious. Not certain how easy that is to do - and how easy it would be to bring him back to full consciousness. Cyanide can put people into comas.
Now if cyanide wasn't mentioned, I may not have these issues. I could easily buy into some 'mystery drug' making it look like he's dead and then paying for the fake autopsy and receiving an easily revivable 'corpse'.
Hope this makes sense.
Cheers
JD
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
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Thank you for your insights and comments. Appreciate them very much.
