Jeanna
a story of loss and faith restored18 total reviews
Comment from Ben Colder
It does seem the Island becomes so prone to get hit with Hurricanes. So many are lost and many more we will never know anything about. Thanks for sharing. The Catholic have always rendered help in so many ways.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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It does seem the Island becomes so prone to get hit with Hurricanes. So many are lost and many more we will never know anything about. Thanks for sharing. The Catholic have always rendered help in so many ways.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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Thanks, Ben, for sharing my story. Rod
Comment from Dawn Munro
What a riveting story, full of action, with believable characters, rich detail and a strong narrative voice. The pacing, too, was marvelous, but what really impressed me was something that many stories often lack these days it seems - it had a clear moral. Well done! Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2016
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What a riveting story, full of action, with believable characters, rich detail and a strong narrative voice. The pacing, too, was marvelous, but what really impressed me was something that many stories often lack these days it seems - it had a clear moral. Well done! Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much, Dawn. for your marvelous praise of my story. I really appreciate knowing that my moral came through without being maudlin or corny.
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It did, and it's a wonderfully rich story!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Rod. You are a good writer, I can tell that already by this piece.
I do think you are doing yourself a dis service by not coming out and making friends....by fanning and networking. There is no way I would know you posted if you had not told me. The entire site is set up on the basis of one hand washing the other and if you remain in the blind all the time, nobody will get to strt follwoing your work..For instance, with most of my work, I promote with a dollar or more and get 70 reviews average. Looking at your folio, I see you get seven to nine reviews?? that's because 52 cents is notm enough for prose as a rule and when people don't even know who they are reading...well you take it from there, Rod.
I have been aboard for nearly 12 years ans have learned a few things in that time, believe me. All depends. If you want more opinions on your writing...you have tomget out there as it were.
Further Suggestions: " She dropped her eyes, knowing her reply displeased her benefactor." I think she lowered her head would be better than droping her eyes image-wise.
Also: I thinkm you need quote marks at the beginning and end of this passage:
"Jeanna. He'd used her old name...etc"
And: "Father Jean-Michel's thin lips "pulled apart." (Over the top so to speak) I think the description of "pulled apart is not a good one. Perhaps. "."...thin lips parted."
Keep, at it, Rod. You are a good writer/storyteller...just need some polishing here and there. blessings. Bob
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2016
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Hi, Rod. You are a good writer, I can tell that already by this piece.
I do think you are doing yourself a dis service by not coming out and making friends....by fanning and networking. There is no way I would know you posted if you had not told me. The entire site is set up on the basis of one hand washing the other and if you remain in the blind all the time, nobody will get to strt follwoing your work..For instance, with most of my work, I promote with a dollar or more and get 70 reviews average. Looking at your folio, I see you get seven to nine reviews?? that's because 52 cents is notm enough for prose as a rule and when people don't even know who they are reading...well you take it from there, Rod.
I have been aboard for nearly 12 years ans have learned a few things in that time, believe me. All depends. If you want more opinions on your writing...you have tomget out there as it were.
Further Suggestions: " She dropped her eyes, knowing her reply displeased her benefactor." I think she lowered her head would be better than droping her eyes image-wise.
Also: I thinkm you need quote marks at the beginning and end of this passage:
"Jeanna. He'd used her old name...etc"
And: "Father Jean-Michel's thin lips "pulled apart." (Over the top so to speak) I think the description of "pulled apart is not a good one. Perhaps. "."...thin lips parted."
Keep, at it, Rod. You are a good writer/storyteller...just need some polishing here and there. blessings. Bob
Comment Written 14-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2016
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Hi Bob. I am very pleased you "discovered" this one and I truly appreciate your comments and wonderful suggestions. Yes, you are probably right about my needing to "get out there." Again, many thanks, my friend. Rod
Comment from MTF1955
That was so touching. I loved the last part especially. Faith can be found in almost everything if we but look. Thanks for the great read and the wonderful lesson. Mary
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2016
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That was so touching. I loved the last part especially. Faith can be found in almost everything if we but look. Thanks for the great read and the wonderful lesson. Mary
Comment Written 13-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2016
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I am thrilled you enjoyed the story, especially the final scene, so much, Mary. Thank you for your kind praise and your generous rating too.
Comment from Susan Chetcuti
This is such a touching story. The hurricane in Haiti was very devastating. You gave us an idea of what it would be like living within its ruins. And the great loss that so many would have endured. Very well written, I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016
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This is such a touching story. The hurricane in Haiti was very devastating. You gave us an idea of what it would be like living within its ruins. And the great loss that so many would have endured. Very well written, I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016
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I am so pleased you enjoyed reading my story. And thank you for the very kind praise.
Comment from royowen
And you're right God can only be seen in us, we are His representatives, if He can't be seen in us, He will represented by His angels, Christ is revealed in one's endurance through suffering, not in loss of faith, because Christ faced the horror, not forsaking the will of His, who knows why God allows it? Beautifully written, excellent story of faith revived and a great entry, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : Mother ( Sjperior) 2 : Not far Jeanna, (perhpaps) five kilometres.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016
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And you're right God can only be seen in us, we are His representatives, if He can't be seen in us, He will represented by His angels, Christ is revealed in one's endurance through suffering, not in loss of faith, because Christ faced the horror, not forsaking the will of His, who knows why God allows it? Beautifully written, excellent story of faith revived and a great entry, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : Mother ( Sjperior) 2 : Not far Jeanna, (perhpaps) five kilometres.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016
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I truly appreciate your taking the time to comment on my story's theme, Roy, and your kind praise. Thank you also for catching those nagging typos.
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Most welcome
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. You have done a great job with the writing prompt. This is a great entry for the contest. The story is credible and well written. I read it twice but didn't spot any errors. Best of luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016
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Excellent. You have done a great job with the writing prompt. This is a great entry for the contest. The story is credible and well written. I read it twice but didn't spot any errors. Best of luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much, prettybluebirds, for your very kind praise. I really appreciate your taking the time to read this lengthy story twice.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello mystery writer,
This is a touching, compelling story, with an unexpected ending.
Inspirational.
Well done. Best wishes for the contest.
Sonali
from other cities because of roads destroyed by the quake(,) and never repaired.
and threw both Sisters to the ground .. suggest: ... and threw both women to the ground
Mother S(u)perior, braced by the frame, screamed at them.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016
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Hello mystery writer,
This is a touching, compelling story, with an unexpected ending.
Inspirational.
Well done. Best wishes for the contest.
Sonali
from other cities because of roads destroyed by the quake(,) and never repaired.
and threw both Sisters to the ground .. suggest: ... and threw both women to the ground
Mother S(u)perior, braced by the frame, screamed at them.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much, Sonali, for this encouraging review and your kind praise. I truly appreciate the editing suggestions and have made corrections.
