Tick Tock
Contest entry.55 total reviews
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
This is horror story persona-fide. The absolute clincher is the dripping blood. I didn't listen to the soundtrack. Sorry, but you already have me ready to flee or pee my pants. I hope that makes you happy. You have scared the life out of me. Maybe when I can breathe again I might be able to ask how you input graphics further down in your writing rather than just at the top.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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This is horror story persona-fide. The absolute clincher is the dripping blood. I didn't listen to the soundtrack. Sorry, but you already have me ready to flee or pee my pants. I hope that makes you happy. You have scared the life out of me. Maybe when I can breathe again I might be able to ask how you input graphics further down in your writing rather than just at the top.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you very much! Horror is not exactly my thing so your feedback is greatly appreciated.
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Well for not thinking you can horror you did a fantastic. I read all the entries. Yours was the best.
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a nice sonnet suite or super sonnet double sonnet or something. The iambic pentameter sounds right on and the story is both chilling and macabre as the lunatic takes his wife's life. Poe-esque.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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This is a nice sonnet suite or super sonnet double sonnet or something. The iambic pentameter sounds right on and the story is both chilling and macabre as the lunatic takes his wife's life. Poe-esque.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you. Your kind encouragement is greatly appreciated.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a good horror story poem. Simple story really but it is the way you tell it. The tension builds, then the man changes his mind about killing his wife. Relief!! but then he changes his mind again and does the deed - clever twist. The man is unbalanced, unsure, but the ticking clock disturbs him and he feels compelled to do the deed. Brilliant end couplet. Good read. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothyx
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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This is a good horror story poem. Simple story really but it is the way you tell it. The tension builds, then the man changes his mind about killing his wife. Relief!! but then he changes his mind again and does the deed - clever twist. The man is unbalanced, unsure, but the ticking clock disturbs him and he feels compelled to do the deed. Brilliant end couplet. Good read. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothyx
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you. Your kind encouragement is greatly appreciated.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, I love the story of this, the man driven by his clock to require his wife's death. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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this is an excellent write, mystery writer, I love the story of this, the man driven by his clock to require his wife's death. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you. Your kind encouragement is greatly appreciated.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
This work clearly spelt out horror in words and presentation. The colour scheme, the accompanying picture and the dripping blood makes this work very effective and impactive.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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This work clearly spelt out horror in words and presentation. The colour scheme, the accompanying picture and the dripping blood makes this work very effective and impactive.
ola thomas
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you. Your kind encouragement is greatly appreciated.
Comment from Sis Cat
Poem reminded me of "The Tell-Tale Heart," a short story by Edgar Allan Poe. Your narrator's voice haunts as he plans to execute his wife's murder. Your rhymes, lines, voice, and imagery pulls the reader into a story of darkness. You go inside the mind of a murderer at midnight as he goes back and forth over whether or not to commit his crime.
I should have read this at dawn instead of at night before bedtime because your poem is creeping me out. Thank you for scaring. Pleasant scream.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Poem reminded me of "The Tell-Tale Heart," a short story by Edgar Allan Poe. Your narrator's voice haunts as he plans to execute his wife's murder. Your rhymes, lines, voice, and imagery pulls the reader into a story of darkness. You go inside the mind of a murderer at midnight as he goes back and forth over whether or not to commit his crime.
I should have read this at dawn instead of at night before bedtime because your poem is creeping me out. Thank you for scaring. Pleasant scream.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you. Your kind encouragement is greatly appreciated.
Comment from Leineco
Some darker part of me requires her death,
to soothe my deeply wounded vanity.
With silent footfalls I begin descent
I'm much too lost in darkness to repent.
These four lines encapsulate the poem for me. . .create the conflict and cause the breath to draw. . . raise the hackles, so to speak.
Also, loved the closing lines. . .the way the dripping blood kept time with the tick, tick, tick of the clock. . .as time ran out. :-)
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Some darker part of me requires her death,
to soothe my deeply wounded vanity.
With silent footfalls I begin descent
I'm much too lost in darkness to repent.
These four lines encapsulate the poem for me. . .create the conflict and cause the breath to draw. . . raise the hackles, so to speak.
Also, loved the closing lines. . .the way the dripping blood kept time with the tick, tick, tick of the clock. . .as time ran out. :-)
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you. Your kind encouragement is greatly appreciated.
Comment from June Estep Fiorelli
I detect the influence of Poe here. It's a well done horror poem, with an appropriate dark mood, suspicions, and madness. The author takes us through the decision, then the hesitation and the final murderous act with great skill. My only negative is the rhyme in the first stanza, that is, rhyming blur and cure. The remaining rhyme was so good.
Here are some alternatives for consideration:
"incessant ringing i can not endure" (then line 4's cure will rhyme perfectly)
Or, keep the ending rhyme blur in line 2, and reword line 4 to end in stir, occur, defer, etc. These are only suggestions and possibilities with a little work by the author on rewording. Great job.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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I detect the influence of Poe here. It's a well done horror poem, with an appropriate dark mood, suspicions, and madness. The author takes us through the decision, then the hesitation and the final murderous act with great skill. My only negative is the rhyme in the first stanza, that is, rhyming blur and cure. The remaining rhyme was so good.
Here are some alternatives for consideration:
"incessant ringing i can not endure" (then line 4's cure will rhyme perfectly)
Or, keep the ending rhyme blur in line 2, and reword line 4 to end in stir, occur, defer, etc. These are only suggestions and possibilities with a little work by the author on rewording. Great job.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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WOW!!! I cannot possibly thank you enough for such kind and generous feedback as this is a genre I tend to struggle with. Your encouragement makes the effort all the more worthwhile and is truly treasured. - I am grateful for the suggestions and will tweak this piece after the voting has completed as I do not think it fair to change anything once voting has begun.
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I have never written in the horror genre, so I'm happy if I was helpful. I take the critiquing seriously. It also gives me satisfaction if I'm able to help other authors. Writing is a lonely business
Comment from LeslieP5
This poem spins a tale of horror that is dark indeed. For a moment it appeared that he overcame insanity and regained control of himself, only to have his demons return and evil goal be executed, sacrificing the life of his wife, "each drop that's spent appeases ticking clock" The blood drop animation and the creepy clock video add significantly to the effect. Masterfully done! Good luck in the contest. This one should be a winner.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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This poem spins a tale of horror that is dark indeed. For a moment it appeared that he overcame insanity and regained control of himself, only to have his demons return and evil goal be executed, sacrificing the life of his wife, "each drop that's spent appeases ticking clock" The blood drop animation and the creepy clock video add significantly to the effect. Masterfully done! Good luck in the contest. This one should be a winner.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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WOW!!! I cannot possibly thank you enough for such kind and generous feedback as this is a genre I tend to struggle with. Your encouragement makes the effort all the more worthwhile and is truly treasured.
Comment from cmowen87
Eow. That was very intense and kept my attention locked throughout. I loved the ticking of the clock. It gave it that really eerie felling. Fantastic job
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Eow. That was very intense and kept my attention locked throughout. I loved the ticking of the clock. It gave it that really eerie felling. Fantastic job
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you for the kind and generous encouragement. It is greatly appreciated and will make me a winner even if it does not earn a ribbon.
