Ben Paul Persons
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Ben Paul Persons, Ch. 13"A fresh calling
9 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Familiar names in the graveyard, and a fun reference to your trucker story. Lots of dialogue, and another church community cued for growth and instruction.
A fine chapter, Wayne.
xo
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2025
  |
Familiar names in the graveyard, and a fun reference to your trucker story. Lots of dialogue, and another church community cued for growth and instruction.
A fine chapter, Wayne.
xo
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2025
-
Thank you. Several have commented on the trucks! (smiley face here)
Boomers are commenting on the touchstones that writing experts would have had me cut. (another smiley face here)
Thanks again for your very nice review.
Comment from Jim Wile
A fine chapter with lots of reminiscences of past stories, which I found enjoyable.
I didn't really understand this part, though:
"1290 is a train number. Couldn't be anything else. I knew Angelo, some anyway. He was no suicide. He had daughters. And he was near retirement. Muskovitch knew it wasn't suicide. Bad cops would have shot him and blamed the Mob. Angelo left a clue. If there were any more, Capone erased them. He couldn't this one.
"And Muskovitch was right, no one wipes doorknobs before doing himself in."
Perhaps a few more details would have clarified it.
I loved the reference to your trucker story and the problems those semis can create.
A fun chapter.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2025
|
A fine chapter with lots of reminiscences of past stories, which I found enjoyable.
I didn't really understand this part, though:
"1290 is a train number. Couldn't be anything else. I knew Angelo, some anyway. He was no suicide. He had daughters. And he was near retirement. Muskovitch knew it wasn't suicide. Bad cops would have shot him and blamed the Mob. Angelo left a clue. If there were any more, Capone erased them. He couldn't this one.
"And Muskovitch was right, no one wipes doorknobs before doing himself in."
Perhaps a few more details would have clarified it.
I loved the reference to your trucker story and the problems those semis can create.
A fun chapter.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2025
-
Thank you.
Yes, I'm the world's worst at brevity. Trains are identified by the engine number. Ben Paul and his mother arrived in St Louis way back in the Tony segment on the 1291. Ben Paul was stating the reasons he felt that the official closing of Angelo's death investigation was 'suicide'.
Oh! I just checked - I got ahead of myself. Muskovitch isn't introduced for 3 more chapters. GRRRR!
Thanks again for your great review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I traveled Route 66 from Chicago to Santa Monica many times before it was altered. I always enjoyed it more than the southern route and having to drive through Texas. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
|
I traveled Route 66 from Chicago to Santa Monica many times before it was altered. I always enjoyed it more than the southern route and having to drive through Texas. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
-
We found a way to go to Colorado avoiding I-40 through Texas, a back road that we can drive just as fast without the trucks, wrecks, and construction.
Thank you for the review.
-
Wow, that's a huge find.
Comment from Jessa kuder
Although I enjoy the story, I think that the flow and vocabulary the book need a little bit of work.
The punctuation creates an awkward flow. I can't wait to read it in its entirety though.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
 |
Although I enjoy the story, I think that the flow and vocabulary the book need a little bit of work.
The punctuation creates an awkward flow. I can't wait to read it in its entirety though.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
-
Thank you for your review.
Yeah. Grammarly wanted me to insert a lot of articles. Nope. Rather get a four.
-
I feel you, and in all fairness that's why editors exist
Comment from Wendy G
A most interesting chapter - our sermon on Sunday was on the living water, and included both Isaiah 55 and John 4:14. And the verse I chose to make mine for my life this year is Micah 6:8, and I want to meditate on it in depth and see its implications. Thank you for another fine chapter.
Wendy
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
|
A most interesting chapter - our sermon on Sunday was on the living water, and included both Isaiah 55 and John 4:14. And the verse I chose to make mine for my life this year is Micah 6:8, and I want to meditate on it in depth and see its implications. Thank you for another fine chapter.
Wendy
Comment Written 03-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
-
Wow. What a scriptural/spiritual coincidence!
Thank you very much for your uplifting review.
Comment from Lana Marie
Happy new year, Well they kept their promise and let Antwon preach because he won the pool game in the previous chapter, but looks like they didn't enjoy his preaching. Another good chapter good descriptions and conversations. I enjoyed going on the road trip with them because I've been through those cities myself on a road trip with my husband. But I understand being stuck behind slow trucks, and then my husband wanting to pass, but me being nervous on the passenger side. Good job on this chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
|
Happy new year, Well they kept their promise and let Antwon preach because he won the pool game in the previous chapter, but looks like they didn't enjoy his preaching. Another good chapter good descriptions and conversations. I enjoyed going on the road trip with them because I've been through those cities myself on a road trip with my husband. But I understand being stuck behind slow trucks, and then my husband wanting to pass, but me being nervous on the passenger side. Good job on this chapter.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
-
Thank you.
But it was more like they (Ben Paul and Sylvia 'made; Antwan preach. He only did because he lost the bet.) But they were happy with his sermon. I'll go back and make that more clear.
Happy New Year to you, as well.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Ben thinks Monroe and Antwan were going to make a good thing of the community they have accepted. I sure hope they are right. Sylvia doesn't seem to have enjoyed Chicago as much as she thought she would. It will be good for them to get back to Creede. It's a lovely little town with some magnificent mountain around it.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
|
Ben thinks Monroe and Antwan were going to make a good thing of the community they have accepted. I sure hope they are right. Sylvia doesn't seem to have enjoyed Chicago as much as she thought she would. It will be good for them to get back to Creede. It's a lovely little town with some magnificent mountain around it.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025
-
Thank you for your very nice review.
Comment from samandlancelot
Hi Wayne,
I enjoyed your friendly banter between Sylvia and Ben throughout.
I think you could use more sensory details to help bring your reader into the scene. Entering the Italian restaurant would have aromas and an atmosphere (noisy, quiet). Since this takes place in an unfamiliar time period, it would help to introduce more setting details consistent with the time of your story. It's good to consider the five senses of sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste when writing a scene, using at least three.
doing the right thing. (change period to comma) Leaving (lowercase 'L') before Antwan preaches his sermon?"
Patricia
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025
|
Hi Wayne,
I enjoyed your friendly banter between Sylvia and Ben throughout.
I think you could use more sensory details to help bring your reader into the scene. Entering the Italian restaurant would have aromas and an atmosphere (noisy, quiet). Since this takes place in an unfamiliar time period, it would help to introduce more setting details consistent with the time of your story. It's good to consider the five senses of sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste when writing a scene, using at least three.
doing the right thing. (change period to comma) Leaving (lowercase 'L') before Antwan preaches his sermon?"
Patricia
Comment Written 02-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025
-
Great suggestions and advice. You make a great argument for FanStory reviews. Thank you.
Comment from jim vecchio
You continue in the same great vein as the previous installments. I had a crazy idea. I was a"Jonah Hex" fan but the movie was terrible. In the movie, Jonah was able to communicate with the dead and buried. I was thinking
at Angelo's grave, what if Ben could communicate with him from Heaven? Just a thought.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025
 |
You continue in the same great vein as the previous installments. I had a crazy idea. I was a"Jonah Hex" fan but the movie was terrible. In the movie, Jonah was able to communicate with the dead and buried. I was thinking
at Angelo's grave, what if Ben could communicate with him from Heaven? Just a thought.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025
-
Thank you for your very kind review.
Gonna hafta think on speaking across the divide. 'Specially since Lazarus (the one with brothers) couldn't do it.
Thank you so much for the six stars!
