The Gardens at Weatherbury
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "C3 - A Little Bit of a Tantrum"Truths Shared from My Job of a Lifetime
45 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
I like your writing style and characterizations. Constantine is already "real" to me {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
In fact, curiosity had been the real reason I had opened the shed in the first place - specifically, curiosity about the cabinet Sir Phillipe had spoken of - the one Constantine was standing on. -- Your closing em dash is misplaced here. Remove the whats enclosed by the em dashes and your sentence doesn't make sense. The clause "the one Constantine was standing on" is a continuation of "specifically, curiosity about the cabinet Sir Phillipe had spoken of" and therefore should be enclosed within the em dashes.
He spluttered some more, held his arms out, and spun around in a very ungraceful circle, presumably for me to take a look at him. -- I like the imagery. I can see this in my mind's eye {smiles}.
"Can I get your hat for you?" I asked gently, my grin uncontainable. -- Ha, ha. This made me chuckle {smiles}.
A pink, armored ball rolled out from a hole revealed behind there. -- If this was mine, I'd omit the "behind there". It's a bit too telling, and the reader will understand where the hole is from the immediate previous narrative; it tends to detract from allowing the user to engage. It's a picky point, I know...
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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I like your writing style and characterizations. Constantine is already "real" to me {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
In fact, curiosity had been the real reason I had opened the shed in the first place - specifically, curiosity about the cabinet Sir Phillipe had spoken of - the one Constantine was standing on. -- Your closing em dash is misplaced here. Remove the whats enclosed by the em dashes and your sentence doesn't make sense. The clause "the one Constantine was standing on" is a continuation of "specifically, curiosity about the cabinet Sir Phillipe had spoken of" and therefore should be enclosed within the em dashes.
He spluttered some more, held his arms out, and spun around in a very ungraceful circle, presumably for me to take a look at him. -- I like the imagery. I can see this in my mind's eye {smiles}.
"Can I get your hat for you?" I asked gently, my grin uncontainable. -- Ha, ha. This made me chuckle {smiles}.
A pink, armored ball rolled out from a hole revealed behind there. -- If this was mine, I'd omit the "behind there". It's a bit too telling, and the reader will understand where the hole is from the immediate previous narrative; it tends to detract from allowing the user to engage. It's a picky point, I know...
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Thanx so much for stopping in to visit Nick and Constantine, Alex -- so very appreciate all the points here... I've fixed the first and last points there so thanx for those!! ;) :) Have a great weekend! ;) Yvette
Comment from royowen
You're very good at these type of stories Yvette, I wonder what caught Constantine's eye when the very nifty armadillo rolled very pinkly into the room with an exclamation by Constantine, well done my friend, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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You're very good at these type of stories Yvette, I wonder what caught Constantine's eye when the very nifty armadillo rolled very pinkly into the room with an exclamation by Constantine, well done my friend, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Guess you get to find out next time... LOL! ;) Thanx for the review, sir -- so good to here from the other side of the world over there!!;) :) Yvette
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Good job
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Fun chapter with a mystery cabinet and a presumably "innocent' gnome. Nice phrase, I laughed reading about the G-Trash:) "G-Trash made all the dents in this here cabinet because it quit lettin' him in when he showed up sloshed a while back!" Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Fun chapter with a mystery cabinet and a presumably "innocent' gnome. Nice phrase, I laughed reading about the G-Trash:) "G-Trash made all the dents in this here cabinet because it quit lettin' him in when he showed up sloshed a while back!" Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Thanx so much for your perusal on this one, Iza -- always good to hear from you!! ;) :) Take care! ;) Yvette
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😉
Comment from poetwatch
I couldn't help myself. I had to look at your other post. I'm glad I did, Yvette. :) This is more your style, living in a fantasy world is fun to be in and you play so good the part. :) I like this write, 1. It ain't looong like the other one. 2. You know what you are writing and got the juices flowing. 3. I like Constantine, but I think I'm going to like the pink armadillo better. Thanks for sharing. :)
Now I go to sleep.
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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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I couldn't help myself. I had to look at your other post. I'm glad I did, Yvette. :) This is more your style, living in a fantasy world is fun to be in and you play so good the part. :) I like this write, 1. It ain't looong like the other one. 2. You know what you are writing and got the juices flowing. 3. I like Constantine, but I think I'm going to like the pink armadillo better. Thanks for sharing. :)
Now I go to sleep.
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Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Thanx so much for just hanging in for this one last post.... I promise to make the little pink guy fun in the next chapter! ;):) Yvette
Comment from JudyE
You have such a great imagination. I envy you that. I enjoyed reading this.
Just one comment:
My goodness he was exercised should this be 'he was excited'?
Have a great day
Judy
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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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You have such a great imagination. I envy you that. I enjoyed reading this.
Just one comment:
My goodness he was exercised should this be 'he was excited'?
Have a great day
Judy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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LOL! Glad you enjoyed, Lady Judy, and thanx for the catch there... taken care of! ;) :) Thanx for stopping in for the review -- have a great week! ;) Yvette
