Tucker: Double Crossed (Part-4)
The good guys made to look bad.35 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Heyo Ric!
So, I was thinking that whichever one of the competition was out to cripple Farnsworth was ready to descend again upon the Trocadero. Of course, I was underestimating the bastard, just like Tucker did.
Random Thoughts:
---Thank you for the chemistry lesson about the common acids used to dispose of bodies. I had no idea about these, and it was fascinating reading. I can see why Tammy was terrifed out of her mind when she saw the barrels. As they always say, ignorance is bliss!
---Since you always manage to have at least three spectacular descriptions, I have decided I am just going to call this section of my reivew from now on "Ric's Trifecta:"
-"her feet slipped and slapped like a drunken dancer on ice"
-"Inevitably on fire with pain, his bloody wounds flushed in ground-hamburger degrees of scarlet and blush."
-"the dirty-fox Farnsworth, was now handed a free all-access pass to the hen house."
---"The three organizations don't normally work together. But clearly, logoed vehicles from all three surrounded the building." --Holy crap, sounds like Waco!
Just noticed one little thing this time:
---"a punchline "Is it soup yet.[?]" --Is a question mark needed here?
Farnsworth has our heroes in a pickle. I am wondering about the loyalties and shenanigans that he is up to. Did he kidnap them to give plausibility to his story about them being fugitives, or did he do it to protect them in some way from what was about to go down? I really have no idea. The plot continues to thicken!
See you again soon!
Patrick
P.S. You are not allowed to kill off Tammy. Just sayin'. If you have written at some point that she dies, you have time to fix that before I get there. ((I'm kidding, of course.))
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2024
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Heyo Ric!
So, I was thinking that whichever one of the competition was out to cripple Farnsworth was ready to descend again upon the Trocadero. Of course, I was underestimating the bastard, just like Tucker did.
Random Thoughts:
---Thank you for the chemistry lesson about the common acids used to dispose of bodies. I had no idea about these, and it was fascinating reading. I can see why Tammy was terrifed out of her mind when she saw the barrels. As they always say, ignorance is bliss!
---Since you always manage to have at least three spectacular descriptions, I have decided I am just going to call this section of my reivew from now on "Ric's Trifecta:"
-"her feet slipped and slapped like a drunken dancer on ice"
-"Inevitably on fire with pain, his bloody wounds flushed in ground-hamburger degrees of scarlet and blush."
-"the dirty-fox Farnsworth, was now handed a free all-access pass to the hen house."
---"The three organizations don't normally work together. But clearly, logoed vehicles from all three surrounded the building." --Holy crap, sounds like Waco!
Just noticed one little thing this time:
---"a punchline "Is it soup yet.[?]" --Is a question mark needed here?
Farnsworth has our heroes in a pickle. I am wondering about the loyalties and shenanigans that he is up to. Did he kidnap them to give plausibility to his story about them being fugitives, or did he do it to protect them in some way from what was about to go down? I really have no idea. The plot continues to thicken!
See you again soon!
Patrick
P.S. You are not allowed to kill off Tammy. Just sayin'. If you have written at some point that she dies, you have time to fix that before I get there. ((I'm kidding, of course.))
Comment Written 16-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2024
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Well, I'd like to answer your questions, but honestly, it's been so long I don't remember the answers. And as you're probably guessing, I wouldn't tell you anyway. I painted myself into more corners throughout these chapters than my pea-brain could figure ways to get out of. As they say, "Time flies when you're having fun." And like I learned writing this story, "Time can also crawl, like a tiny thousand-legged bug up your ass, when your hands are tied." Thank you so much, Patrick, for hanging with old Tucker, T.D., and Tammy, as they search for the ointment, and Farnsworth stirs the soup. Thank you again for another of your encouraging and detail reviews. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Well, I have to say today's latest read was unexpected, with Farnsworth being in cahoots with the Governor. Really? And why the hassle for Tammy, T.D., and Tuck?
reply by the author on 20-May-2024
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Well, I have to say today's latest read was unexpected, with Farnsworth being in cahoots with the Governor. Really? And why the hassle for Tammy, T.D., and Tuck?
Comment Written 20-May-2024
reply by the author on 20-May-2024
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Farnsworth is not your usual character, and never was. A spoiled rich brat who never was satisfied. I beat his but twice in real life, and he still always wanted to be my friend. But with him, friends were only worth what they could do for him. LOL. Much appreciated!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Astounding. I am confused on several levels, not having access to your plot lines and thinking processes, may I ask some questions? I am aware you may already have answered the questions in chapters I haven't read yet. Thank you. How is it that Tammy went to College, and took scientific courses, yet acts as a halfwit, and works at a low end job? I get it, she is the one who is the one in deep undercover! Okay next question: Why is someone who has a lifetime of experience so lackwitted when it comes to Daniel? He saw none of this coming? He voluntarily walked into a spider web of deceit, corruption, false leads, tailing, taped conversations, and then acted as if it was just another quiet day at the office, and he was the one in control? He never ever was. What am I missing? I am not complaining, you still write wonderfully well, I am just perplexed. You are the spinner of the dream. I am sorry for being a nasty alarm clock. Karen
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2023
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Astounding. I am confused on several levels, not having access to your plot lines and thinking processes, may I ask some questions? I am aware you may already have answered the questions in chapters I haven't read yet. Thank you. How is it that Tammy went to College, and took scientific courses, yet acts as a halfwit, and works at a low end job? I get it, she is the one who is the one in deep undercover! Okay next question: Why is someone who has a lifetime of experience so lackwitted when it comes to Daniel? He saw none of this coming? He voluntarily walked into a spider web of deceit, corruption, false leads, tailing, taped conversations, and then acted as if it was just another quiet day at the office, and he was the one in control? He never ever was. What am I missing? I am not complaining, you still write wonderfully well, I am just perplexed. You are the spinner of the dream. I am sorry for being a nasty alarm clock. Karen
Comment Written 17-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2023
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Hey, Karen, thanks for hanging in and going back to all my non-paying chapters. First off, I don't have plot lines or any kinds of outlines whatsoever. To me, plots are simply what characters do. So, when I start writing, nothing is planned out. I just create characters as I go along, and my whole plot is pieced together as I go. Yes, an outline would make things much easier. But much too stiff and structured for my taste. Tammy, like many people I've known in life, is educated and not a dimwit at all. She just chooses to live a simple life. She is not undercover at all. She is simply a bartender in love with Tucker. Tucker isn't lack-witted at all. He proved early on in the first couple chapters that he had Daniel's number. He just played along to get what he wanted too. Daniel isn't the bad guy that we've thought all along, as I've pointed out in later chapters. He has been working all along to bring the cartel down. Daniel gave Tucker an offer he couldn't turn down, or would have been a fool to. So, they've actually been working together all along, which Tucker didn't know until Daniel saved him at the Fontainebleau Hotel. I've never used an alarm clock, and have never slept much, or more than 3-hours a night. And I've never been one to miss much. But I've found it more productive to be the laid back, easy going type who doesn't seem to be paying attention. Kind of light Tucker. Hope I've answered your questions Thanks again for all your time and interest! Much appreciated!
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Yes you answered everything....mostly. I remember now who I think you reminded me of.Jack Higgins. And Clive Cussler.
Yes a little old lady from Texas can read those "manly" books. I read about everything. Now, I think Tucker on some level "Knew" that Daniel was not what he appeared to be. And lock me into the nut hut if you want, I think sometimes our characters don't tell us everything. There, I said it. I have never ever written an outline. i start with a name, or a sentence, Amanda smelled something funny.
When i am feeling creative, sometimes I just write opening lines for the times in which i might be blocked up. Some times I write a list of names. Have you ever seen a funny romance story in here? would you read it if you saw one? I am working on one now for a series. How many words a chapter do you average? I think it may be because we are southern that we get along so well. That, and you are highly intelligent.
I noticed that immediately when you liked my stuff. Oh, when I told the ladies about your work , I also told them you were a looker, so if a flood comes, it's my fault. haha Karen
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Well, you aren't an old lady, I'm sure. And personally, I don't put a lot of emphasis on years in determining age. But I never would have guessed you from Texas. There's no slow, southern drawl to you. Answering your questions as best I can, there is always room for romance in any aspect of life. If there wasn't, we might as well be dead. Believe it or not, I've even doodled a bit with what I'd call romance stories lately, always with humor, called The Unpredictable Cycles of Life, and a four part series called Lingering Devotion. I even added a couple lines of poetry, or as close as I get. LOL. I'd love to read your humorous romantic series. Humor to me is as important in life as romance. I've found that anything longer than 1,200 to 1,500 words has trouble gaining readers. Honestly, most on this site seem to prefer poetry, flash fiction, or short essays. I understand that most are building up Fan dollars to promote their own works, but you'll find that lots of the shortest stuff is done to move writers up post lists and has little substance. That coming from a clown like me who intentionally makes my stories a touch goofy or silly. I'll be waiting to read your humorous romance. I know you have the quick wit, and you pulled on my heartstrings with your leaving lover. :-)
Comment from irishauthorme
Wow, what a clever twist! Kinda caught me off-guard there. Great, fast action, TD and Tammy in real jeopardy and Tucker is obviously a target who will be used by Farnsworth at the right moment.
I like the total hopelessness of the situation, and now that you have painted yourself into a corner, I am anxious to see how you get our heroes-and heroine-out of this.
irish
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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Wow, what a clever twist! Kinda caught me off-guard there. Great, fast action, TD and Tammy in real jeopardy and Tucker is obviously a target who will be used by Farnsworth at the right moment.
I like the total hopelessness of the situation, and now that you have painted yourself into a corner, I am anxious to see how you get our heroes-and heroine-out of this.
irish
Comment Written 22-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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Yes, I sure did paint myself into a corner in this part, but I do that often, as a game I play on myself. I appreciate your kind words and generous review. But most of all, going back to read old posts. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Erika Seshadri
I really am reading this in reverse. I can't wait to find out how it all starts, lol.
Also, thank you, I just learned about which chemicals will dissolve body parts. I suppose that could come in handy someday, bwahahahaha.
Cheers!
Erika
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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I really am reading this in reverse. I can't wait to find out how it all starts, lol.
Also, thank you, I just learned about which chemicals will dissolve body parts. I suppose that could come in handy someday, bwahahahaha.
Cheers!
Erika
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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I probably should have warned your husband before posting the chemical details. LOL. I can't believe you're going back and reading all my foolishness in reverse that pays no dividends. Heck, wait until I post something that pays. Or at least drop back and read from #1 through #3 to understand the beginning. LOL. Either way, you're a sweetheart and you make me smile every day! Thanks for reading. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Susan Newell
Ric,
I'm out of sixes. I took some time off from FanStory and somehow lost track of your book. Your writing and turns of phrase are incredible. I have so much admiration for people who can put together a plot for lengthy fiction. I don't seem to have the imagination for it. On to the next chapter!
Sue
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Ric,
I'm out of sixes. I took some time off from FanStory and somehow lost track of your book. Your writing and turns of phrase are incredible. I have so much admiration for people who can put together a plot for lengthy fiction. I don't seem to have the imagination for it. On to the next chapter!
Sue
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thanks for another of your outstanding and generous reviews. This isn't a book, or at least didn't start out to be. It was suppose to have two parts, or three at best. But it's had a mind of it's own and I couldn't figure out how to end it. Since I don't outline or start with a plot, the characters just sort of tell the story. Thank you so much for going back to read my silly story when it isn't offering any reward. That really makes your time and effort all the more special!
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Ric,
I understand how characters can end up driving the story. They sometimes develop a life of their own. I usually write fiction the same way as you. I might have a rough idea of what might happen, but often get surprised along the way. Your antagonist seems pretty independent.
Sue
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Superbly written with great metaphors and a unique voice. Fast-paced and exciting. Dramatic page-turner. Well done. Can't wait to see what happens next!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Superbly written with great metaphors and a unique voice. Fast-paced and exciting. Dramatic page-turner. Well done. Can't wait to see what happens next!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much, Tim, for your extra-special six-star review and kind words. In order to keep this part short, I left out most dialog, other than speeches, and offered mostly action. I wondered if it was too much of nothing, but I'm glad you like it. Now I have to figure out how to get out of the corner I've painted myself into. LOL. Always appreciate YOU and your encouraging reviews!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Ric
A virtual six for your fast moving chapter. I like the detailed of what the various acids could do. I hope they will not be used,
I notice you are very good at describing---
Then, smack! Two, 240-pound linebacker-types, dashing full throttle, flattened him with the crunching impact of a runaway bus. Headfirst, driven into the sharp-edged gravel, his skin shredded like a woodchipper chews limbs. wood chipper (two words yes is very graphic to read of what it can do.
Gert
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Ric
A virtual six for your fast moving chapter. I like the detailed of what the various acids could do. I hope they will not be used,
I notice you are very good at describing---
Then, smack! Two, 240-pound linebacker-types, dashing full throttle, flattened him with the crunching impact of a runaway bus. Headfirst, driven into the sharp-edged gravel, his skin shredded like a woodchipper chews limbs. wood chipper (two words yes is very graphic to read of what it can do.
Gert
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much, Gert, for your generous review and kind words. This type of chapter isn't for everyone, but I'm glad for you and those who liked it. It's your kindness and encouragement that keeps an old hack scratching to try and entertain with words. LOL. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from dmt1967
T.D. hurried over to get Tammy at the V.I.P. booth, (as Tucker had requested.) This, in my opinion, is more showing. (at Tuckers' request.)
(Tammy had earlier disclosed) to Farnsworth her intentions to catch a ride home with T.D.--a good friend and neighbor--her agenda unbeknownst to him. (Tammy explained her plan earlier...)
1) If you can cut out words like 'had' and 'was' the story shows more than tells and, by rearranging the sentence, most of the time you can.
2) Try not to bog down the reader with facts. If they don't move the story forward, leave them out. For example, the reader doesn't need to know how big the pole is unless that information is potent to the story.
'Every police service, guns ready, positioned themselves...' is all the reader needs to get a picture of the scene. We do not have to be told what they do as most of us know what they do and if someone does not know what the CIA or FBI do they must have been born under a rock lol.
3) Only start a new paragraph when the topic changes or someone is speaking. Some of your paragraphs could be clumped together. This, in my opinion, would help with the readability of the chapter.
finally,
4) Add some dialogue, inner thoughts, anything. It reads like a plan more than a story. To much description and no break, in my opinion, makes the story very tedious to read.
Remember, this is only my opinion. I think this book, story could be great. All it needs is a little work. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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T.D. hurried over to get Tammy at the V.I.P. booth, (as Tucker had requested.) This, in my opinion, is more showing. (at Tuckers' request.)
(Tammy had earlier disclosed) to Farnsworth her intentions to catch a ride home with T.D.--a good friend and neighbor--her agenda unbeknownst to him. (Tammy explained her plan earlier...)
1) If you can cut out words like 'had' and 'was' the story shows more than tells and, by rearranging the sentence, most of the time you can.
2) Try not to bog down the reader with facts. If they don't move the story forward, leave them out. For example, the reader doesn't need to know how big the pole is unless that information is potent to the story.
'Every police service, guns ready, positioned themselves...' is all the reader needs to get a picture of the scene. We do not have to be told what they do as most of us know what they do and if someone does not know what the CIA or FBI do they must have been born under a rock lol.
3) Only start a new paragraph when the topic changes or someone is speaking. Some of your paragraphs could be clumped together. This, in my opinion, would help with the readability of the chapter.
finally,
4) Add some dialogue, inner thoughts, anything. It reads like a plan more than a story. To much description and no break, in my opinion, makes the story very tedious to read.
Remember, this is only my opinion. I think this book, story could be great. All it needs is a little work. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thanks for taking time to read, review, and share your suggestions. I'm very aware of most everything you have said, but a lot of what I've done in this chapter is for a reason, including less dialog, added (unneeded) information. It does read like a plan, condensed to give lots of information without taking up too much of a readers time. LOL. Appreciate all the time you spent trying to be helpful!
Comment from Whitewave
Ric,
Although I haven't read the previous parts of your story, this chapter has me on the edge of my seat, biting my finger nails. Well written, fast paced, unpredictable, scary, sickening - and even worse, it could be real.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Ric,
Although I haven't read the previous parts of your story, this chapter has me on the edge of my seat, biting my finger nails. Well written, fast paced, unpredictable, scary, sickening - and even worse, it could be real.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much, Whitewave, for taking time to read part-4 of my story. Each chapter was used to build the characters, this part is just the turn, not giving much insight, but I'm glad you found it entertaining. I appreciate your kind words and generous review!
