Comment from BethShelby

Exceptional

Wow, this is intense I don't know who Sarah knew to come. I don't know who was able to call the police. I hope Oliver isn't dead and that Mary can be arrested for all these murders. I'm enjoying is story.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2025

Thank you Beth, Callum calls the police when Danielle leaves her phone in the car. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it and thank you for the six stars.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

This is certainly exciting and filled with action. It sounds as if they may not get away until Sarah appears with the police. Some corrections are needed:
making (me) jump. . . and takes (hold of) . . . You say the knife is in the grass but then suggest Callum has it. Where is it and is she wounded? If she is, she had to feel something.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2025

Thank you, Carol, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

There's a lot of action here. I can't wait to see exactly what happens. You've left the ending a little vague. I'm sure for a hook. I think I missed a post. Will search it out.

'She told me you're my Dad, my . . . biological Dad (both dad, should have lower case 'd' because of the words in front to them.)

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025

Thank you, Barbara, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

Comment from davisr (Rhonda)

Excellent

A great chapter, Jacob!! You had me on the edge of my seat the whole time!! It was emotional, intense and exciting. So many twists and turns, my friend!! By the way, I read the last chapter, too.

Great writing,
Rhonda

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025

Thank you, Rhonda, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

reply by davisr (Rhonda) on 02-Jan-2025

I did!

Comment from Begin Again

Excellent

After years abd years of manipulation and disillusionment, it appears that Mary's scheme will come to an end. The tension was strong throughout the entire chapter and hopefully Oliver will be okay. Very well done, Jacob!
Smiles, Carol

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025

Thank you, Carol, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

I've forgotten who Sarah is, Jacob! I looked in your list but she isn't there. What a dramatic episode! Tense and fast-paced! I hope Oliver's going to be alright. He doesn't deserve to die. He's been under Mary's spell too long. I actually thought that Danielle's adoptive parents might turn up, having done their own bit of detective work. But it looks like everything is coming to a climactic end. Phew! Some punctuation issues with apostrophes: one(')s something(')s. But a great read to wake us all up from our New Year slumber! Debbie

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025

Thank you, Debbie, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

Your story is such a whirlwind of emotions! I loved how intense it was from the start. I felt like I was right there with Danielle and holding my breath with every step she took. The pacing was perfect. You kept the tension high and making me want to keep reading. The This is a rollercoaster of a story, and I enjoyed every second of it! Great work!

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025

Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary

Excellent

Jacob,

I loved this chapter. I am so glad that Mary is finally caught by the police. That woman is totally of her rocker. Hopefully, Oliver is fine.

Keep writing my friend

Cecilia

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025

Thank you, Cecilia, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

reply by Cecilia A Heiskary on 02-Jan-2025

You're welcome and I can't wait for the next chapter