Reveillon! on Copacabana Beach
New Year's - Rio's Copacabana Beach32 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Happy New Year Ric!
Wow, what a gorgeous POEM of a story! Your prose was pulsating staccato, tocatta and fugue! It is in this rhythmic dance of a narrative where your sentence fragments truly shine! I know you claim you are not a poet, but that still doesn't make it true! The only way you are not a poet is because you choose NOT to call what you write poetry. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!
RIC'S TRIFECTA!
---"Any chance of my polished charm rendering her entranced or spellbound had plopped like pigeon poop." --OH yeah. Right on point. Plenty of alliteration in this line -- a POETRY convention.
---"Bumfuzzled at what to do next--I kissed her again, and again--like a comedian telling his only joke." --Such a great descriptive sentence worthy of your acumen for original expression. And by the way, the "comedian" thing is a simile --ANOTHER POETRY convention.
---"Her Duchenne smile could have tamed a ferocious beast faster and more effectively than the Pavlov theory." --Okay, I TOTALLY had never heard of a "Duchenne smile" before. I looked it up. A smile that includes the eyes. It is always very cool to learn things. I knew Pavlov. Classical conditioning. Dogs salivating at a ringing bell. No food in sight. Still plenty of drool. THIS, Ric, is top-notch writing. Oh, by the way, you use the poetry convention of ALLUSION in this one. Twice. Just sayin'.
---"But be cautioned: never wear black, an evil omen in Brazilian lore." --I loved the description at the beginning concerning the colors. All of this was very interesting. I had no idea of these cultural meanings.
---"gyrating strippers without a pole," --Somebody get these excited ladies a pole! One will be fine. They can share it. *grins*
---"my clumsy Samba routine resembling a cross between a Victorian-era Polka and a 1960s Watusi." --An honorable mention for the Trifecta! More allusions here to make your prose sizzle! Oh, by the way. I can picture these dances in my mind and imagine how they might look combined. It's a wonder Gabby decided to kiss your narrator. Seriously. That display would be nothing even remotely resembling the Samba!
---"And I had to wonder, why our world can't live in peace, accept the things we can't change, and agree to disagree more than once a year." --Yes! And have more open and free (and safe) sex! Agree to disagree and then get naked. Let's goooo!
---"The sporadic drizzle intensified; before long, I'd become inundated by the cloudburst. Celebrants running like gazelles. Well, a few did, anyway. Some waddled like crippled ducks. And others more resembled sturdy-legged, web-footed turtles swimming in the mud." --I wanted to pull this entire section because it is brilliant! More perfect similes (poetry conventions, remember) that create this totally original image of the story's setting with its intense energy and disjointed human movements.
I did find a few things you can fix up if you agree:
---"Straight away under her spell and[,] at her mercy," --You can remove this comma. It is not necessary.
---"I could only hope the intoxicating beauty didn't have fangs and needed a life source for her blood fix." --The "needed" in this sentence is not right, but I am struggling to explain why. Let me try: "I could only hope the intoxicating beauty didn't have fangs [or the need for] a life source [as] her blood fix." I think that fixes the verb disgreement in your sentence. Feel free to take it if you agree and like it.
---"The song ended. Leaving me dependent on my not-so-articulate words of expressiveness." --These two sentences need to be combined, like so: ""The song ended[, l]eaving me dependent on my not-so-articulate words of expressiveness."
---"I had sat in the, [no longer soft,] sand until my back and bottom ached." --If you want to keep this phrase, it should be hyphenated "no-longer-soft sand" because it is a compound adjective. I would recommend just making it easy on yourself and call it "hard," but this is your choice though!
---"But here I am once more--on Rio's[,] Copacabana Beach, crowded with [2] million merrymakers--" --This comma is not needed. Also, Chicago literary style recommends that any number under ten should be spelled out as a word instead of a numeral.
Ric, this is a marvelous and unique story with so much energy! It is written with your great flair for description. I am also impressed that you threw in a few erotic moments ... did you lure a smokin' hot fairy muse to your crib by chance? Anyway, great job on this. ALSO, congratulations on your 100th Post ... am I readin that right? You have been here as long as you have and have only posted 100 items? Really? What am I missing?
OMG, I don't have a six left! It has been a long time since I ran out AT ALL, let alone halfway through the week. Sorry, homie. Just know that this is exceptional anyway! Talk to you soon!
Patrick
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
  |
Happy New Year Ric!
Wow, what a gorgeous POEM of a story! Your prose was pulsating staccato, tocatta and fugue! It is in this rhythmic dance of a narrative where your sentence fragments truly shine! I know you claim you are not a poet, but that still doesn't make it true! The only way you are not a poet is because you choose NOT to call what you write poetry. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!
RIC'S TRIFECTA!
---"Any chance of my polished charm rendering her entranced or spellbound had plopped like pigeon poop." --OH yeah. Right on point. Plenty of alliteration in this line -- a POETRY convention.
---"Bumfuzzled at what to do next--I kissed her again, and again--like a comedian telling his only joke." --Such a great descriptive sentence worthy of your acumen for original expression. And by the way, the "comedian" thing is a simile --ANOTHER POETRY convention.
---"Her Duchenne smile could have tamed a ferocious beast faster and more effectively than the Pavlov theory." --Okay, I TOTALLY had never heard of a "Duchenne smile" before. I looked it up. A smile that includes the eyes. It is always very cool to learn things. I knew Pavlov. Classical conditioning. Dogs salivating at a ringing bell. No food in sight. Still plenty of drool. THIS, Ric, is top-notch writing. Oh, by the way, you use the poetry convention of ALLUSION in this one. Twice. Just sayin'.
---"But be cautioned: never wear black, an evil omen in Brazilian lore." --I loved the description at the beginning concerning the colors. All of this was very interesting. I had no idea of these cultural meanings.
---"gyrating strippers without a pole," --Somebody get these excited ladies a pole! One will be fine. They can share it. *grins*
---"my clumsy Samba routine resembling a cross between a Victorian-era Polka and a 1960s Watusi." --An honorable mention for the Trifecta! More allusions here to make your prose sizzle! Oh, by the way. I can picture these dances in my mind and imagine how they might look combined. It's a wonder Gabby decided to kiss your narrator. Seriously. That display would be nothing even remotely resembling the Samba!
---"And I had to wonder, why our world can't live in peace, accept the things we can't change, and agree to disagree more than once a year." --Yes! And have more open and free (and safe) sex! Agree to disagree and then get naked. Let's goooo!
---"The sporadic drizzle intensified; before long, I'd become inundated by the cloudburst. Celebrants running like gazelles. Well, a few did, anyway. Some waddled like crippled ducks. And others more resembled sturdy-legged, web-footed turtles swimming in the mud." --I wanted to pull this entire section because it is brilliant! More perfect similes (poetry conventions, remember) that create this totally original image of the story's setting with its intense energy and disjointed human movements.
I did find a few things you can fix up if you agree:
---"Straight away under her spell and[,] at her mercy," --You can remove this comma. It is not necessary.
---"I could only hope the intoxicating beauty didn't have fangs and needed a life source for her blood fix." --The "needed" in this sentence is not right, but I am struggling to explain why. Let me try: "I could only hope the intoxicating beauty didn't have fangs [or the need for] a life source [as] her blood fix." I think that fixes the verb disgreement in your sentence. Feel free to take it if you agree and like it.
---"The song ended. Leaving me dependent on my not-so-articulate words of expressiveness." --These two sentences need to be combined, like so: ""The song ended[, l]eaving me dependent on my not-so-articulate words of expressiveness."
---"I had sat in the, [no longer soft,] sand until my back and bottom ached." --If you want to keep this phrase, it should be hyphenated "no-longer-soft sand" because it is a compound adjective. I would recommend just making it easy on yourself and call it "hard," but this is your choice though!
---"But here I am once more--on Rio's[,] Copacabana Beach, crowded with [2] million merrymakers--" --This comma is not needed. Also, Chicago literary style recommends that any number under ten should be spelled out as a word instead of a numeral.
Ric, this is a marvelous and unique story with so much energy! It is written with your great flair for description. I am also impressed that you threw in a few erotic moments ... did you lure a smokin' hot fairy muse to your crib by chance? Anyway, great job on this. ALSO, congratulations on your 100th Post ... am I readin that right? You have been here as long as you have and have only posted 100 items? Really? What am I missing?
OMG, I don't have a six left! It has been a long time since I ran out AT ALL, let alone halfway through the week. Sorry, homie. Just know that this is exceptional anyway! Talk to you soon!
Patrick
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
-
Hey, Patrick,
Happy New Year! Thanks for all the time you spend on your reviews. You almost make me ashamed, as you spend more time writing your reviews, analyzing, and offering helpful suggestions than, I do writing the stories. I'll jump right in to make most of the changes, but some were made intentionally for effect. I was very aware a comma wasn't needed before "at her mercy" but I liked the added emphasis it gives to those three words. The three word sentence "The song ended," leaves the next sentence a fragment (unfinished-because the song ended). Another meaning in my head. Anyway. With all you catch, you didn't mention my short line that was written with you in mind. [I swallowed, "inhaled ample oxygen", and shrieked,] Ample as in breasts. Thanks for another wonderful review and the time you spend. Much appreciated!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Ric,
well, for your 100th post, you chose a dandy. While I don't doubt I would find a lot to lust over, there is no way I'd be caught dead in Rio, at any time, much less during New Years. Two million people in such a small area- it makes me panic just to think about it. I'm not much of a party guy. A cold beer and some pizza would be OK for me. As it was, I don't think I even had a drink on New Years. I've been fighting influenza A for the better part of two weeks, so sleep sounds better than a night in Rio at the moment. Well done buddy.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
 |
Hello Ric,
well, for your 100th post, you chose a dandy. While I don't doubt I would find a lot to lust over, there is no way I'd be caught dead in Rio, at any time, much less during New Years. Two million people in such a small area- it makes me panic just to think about it. I'm not much of a party guy. A cold beer and some pizza would be OK for me. As it was, I don't think I even had a drink on New Years. I've been fighting influenza A for the better part of two weeks, so sleep sounds better than a night in Rio at the moment. Well done buddy.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
-
Thank you so much, Tom, for your extra-special six star review and kind words. I'm glad I could entertain you for a minute with my foolishness. I'm with you brother. I don't drink often, or much, and I sure don't want to be in a crowd of people ever. LOL. But admittedly, as a young man, I was "wilder than a choked duck." If you can picture that. I appreciate the fine review, the stars, and most of all YOU, my friend!
Comment from marilyn quillen
great story, hope your New Year was fruitful!I was in my pjs, sacked out beside my beagle by 11! You're a great story teller and you write it just like I'm there with you. fantastic job
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
|
great story, hope your New Year was fruitful!I was in my pjs, sacked out beside my beagle by 11! You're a great story teller and you write it just like I'm there with you. fantastic job
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
-
Thank you so much, Marilyn, for your generous review and kind words. It nice reviews like yours that keep telling my foolishness. If not, I would have given up years ago. As I've gotten older, you couldn't get me out of the house on New Year's Eve. I call it amateur night. When crazy people get out to do one night a year, what I used to do every night. LOL. And now, I don't even drink and you won't catch me in a crowd. I'm so glad you liked my story. Much appreciated!
Comment from Jim Wile
First of all, congratulations on your 100th post, Ric. Well done.
This was such an engaging story right from the start with your very vivid description of the locale. Amidst this fascinating backdrop, "Boonie" locks eyes with the girl of his dreams and he gets a taste of instant lust. She seems to be a willing partner in this fantastical environment, and she even enjoys his "clumsy Samba routine resembling a cross between a Victorian-era Polka and a 1960s Watusi." What a girl! (And what a great description!)
But alas, the rains come and wash away this seeming fantasy, and she is lost forever to him. She left as easily as she had come, and now he's left with the longing of one who feels like he's found true love.
A marvelously descriptive story of found and lost love in a romantic and almost mystical setting. Plus, I learned a new term: "Duchenne smile."
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
|
First of all, congratulations on your 100th post, Ric. Well done.
This was such an engaging story right from the start with your very vivid description of the locale. Amidst this fascinating backdrop, "Boonie" locks eyes with the girl of his dreams and he gets a taste of instant lust. She seems to be a willing partner in this fantastical environment, and she even enjoys his "clumsy Samba routine resembling a cross between a Victorian-era Polka and a 1960s Watusi." What a girl! (And what a great description!)
But alas, the rains come and wash away this seeming fantasy, and she is lost forever to him. She left as easily as she had come, and now he's left with the longing of one who feels like he's found true love.
A marvelously descriptive story of found and lost love in a romantic and almost mystical setting. Plus, I learned a new term: "Duchenne smile."
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
-
Thank you so much, Jim, for your extra-special six-stars and kind words. I'm glad I could entertain you for a minute with my foolishness. And thanks again for the congrats on the 100th post. So, many people have said how shocked that I have so few posts for all the time I've been on Fanstory. I just don't post much. I'd rather read you and others on a regular basis, which doesn't allow much time for writing. LOL. It's always a pleasure to cross paths, whether it's exchanging stories or reviews. I appreciate YOU!
-
Well, I think quality is always better than quantity, and I love the care you take with each of your postings.
I, too, am happy we've crossed paths and are now regular readers and reviewers of each other's work, Ric.
-
I couldn't agree more, Jim. I look forward to your new posts like a kid gazing into a candy case. I just wish we'd crossed paths sooner!
Comment from karenina
It's a shame you never had any wild adventures in your life, you Altar Boy, you. Ah, come on -- we all know by now that each of your "General Fiction" entries has a "General Hefty Portion" of truth to them...
This is written so well, Ric, your rich descriptions are a notch above even your high bar!
Gabby will forever be a delicious memory to you... I see others have called for a continuation of this story, and I too, am curious.
Sometimes though? It's nice to leave things wistfully, ethereally, alive in one's heart. Reality rarely lives up to that!
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
|
It's a shame you never had any wild adventures in your life, you Altar Boy, you. Ah, come on -- we all know by now that each of your "General Fiction" entries has a "General Hefty Portion" of truth to them...
This is written so well, Ric, your rich descriptions are a notch above even your high bar!
Gabby will forever be a delicious memory to you... I see others have called for a continuation of this story, and I too, am curious.
Sometimes though? It's nice to leave things wistfully, ethereally, alive in one's heart. Reality rarely lives up to that!
Karenina
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
-
Thank you so much, Karenina, my dear, for always picking me up from the doldrums of mediocrity. Without your nonwavering kindness, support, and continuous encouragement, I may have given up on the wannabe-writer adventure long ago. And you know me so well: lingering truths, muddled by lies. I appreciate the extra-special six stars and kind words. But most of all, I appreciate YOU always!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Your post deserves a six, and I'm out already. I'm feeling sorry for 'Boonie' but I wonder if he considered that giving her a false name meant if she was looking for him, she'd never be able to find him. Not with him calling himself his late friends name. Now he might never find his true sould mate! But, I'm sure he will keep searching. I'm hoping you will have a follow up, perhaps with him bumping into her again?? I really enjoyed this story, my dear friend. Well done. :) Love and hugs, Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
|
Your post deserves a six, and I'm out already. I'm feeling sorry for 'Boonie' but I wonder if he considered that giving her a false name meant if she was looking for him, she'd never be able to find him. Not with him calling himself his late friends name. Now he might never find his true sould mate! But, I'm sure he will keep searching. I'm hoping you will have a follow up, perhaps with him bumping into her again?? I really enjoyed this story, my dear friend. Well done. :) Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
-
Thank you so much, Sandra, for your generous review and kind words. Yes, as in life, sometimes, protecting ourselves from one thing, exposes us to another. I guess, we can only hope to make more right decisions than wrong. LOL. And I've already proved that wrong. I'm glad you liked it. I left things open so I could continue the story, and there have been a few who've asked. So, who knows. I appreciate YOU always! Love and hugs back at you, Ric.
Comment from jmdg1954
First Ric, congrats one 100th post milestone! Quite an achievement.
Your story and storytelling ability had me hooked gift on the git-go!
A shame the separation took place and the inability to find Gabby once more failed. Who knew what could have been...
A part 2 in the making, perhaps?
Cheers,
John
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
|
First Ric, congrats one 100th post milestone! Quite an achievement.
Your story and storytelling ability had me hooked gift on the git-go!
A shame the separation took place and the inability to find Gabby once more failed. Who knew what could have been...
A part 2 in the making, perhaps?
Cheers,
John
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
-
Thank you so much, John, for your extra-special six-star review and kind words. I'm glad I could entertain you for a minute with my foolishness. As with most everything I write, it's left open should I want to continue the story later. Much appreciated!
Comment from GWHARGIS
That's fate for you. To find the one, only to loose her in a crowd. It could be a fantasy or it would be one of those chance encounters. The description set the stage. The sights, noises and suggested music made me see the festive chaos of the celebration. Very well written
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
|
That's fate for you. To find the one, only to loose her in a crowd. It could be a fantasy or it would be one of those chance encounters. The description set the stage. The sights, noises and suggested music made me see the festive chaos of the celebration. Very well written
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
-
Thank you so much, Gretchen, for your generous review and kind words. It's almost like a fly in your soup. Just when you're licking your lips and tasting the savory goodness, the hunger sets in. :-) Much appreciated!
Comment from Tim Margetts
I love the way your narrative draws me into this tale, Ric
Your descriptions are vivid and full of vibrant effervescence.
I wonder what became of Gabby.
Ahh the perils of a lost moment.
Tim
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
|
I love the way your narrative draws me into this tale, Ric
Your descriptions are vivid and full of vibrant effervescence.
I wonder what became of Gabby.
Ahh the perils of a lost moment.
Tim
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
-
Thanks, Tim, for taking time out to read my short story. And of course, your generous review and kind words. As with most fiction, there are elements of truth, and sadly, Gabby is/was a real person. I saw her three years later, but she had changed to where you wouldn't have recognized her mentally or physically. Much appreciated!
-
One can never know if things would have been different had you not lost hold of her that night.
Sad times my friend
-
You never know. But it is sad when we see good people go bad.
Comment from jenintorre
Love it love it love it! What a fabulous read. I enjoyed it so much. Your imagery and fast pace is superb. You've nailed it yet again with this one.
You are a brilliant writer Ric my friend.
Is it autobiographical?
Happy new year and take care X
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
|
Love it love it love it! What a fabulous read. I enjoyed it so much. Your imagery and fast pace is superb. You've nailed it yet again with this one.
You are a brilliant writer Ric my friend.
Is it autobiographical?
Happy new year and take care X
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
-
Many thanks, Jen, my dear, for your extra-special six-star review and kind words. I spent a lot of time in Rio during my 20s and 30s. Sometimes, 180 days a year. It all started with an exchange student named Juliana who lived with a friend's family for a school year in the States. After she returned to Rio, I met a pilot in Miami, Florida who flew old fruit freighter aircraft back and forth to Brazil. I could fly for free, the only drawback being that no one could know I was on the junkie planes, and with rattling and shaking and engines not working there was no guarantee they'd make the trip. It was a dangerous proposition, but I was fearless in my stupid youth. The first three weeks with Juliana were great. But it didn't take long to learn that an American on the beach got all the attention, and problems soon followed. Juliana was dull of understanding, and I soon found myself on the street. LOL. She did come looking for me a week later, but by then, I'd figured out the system. I had a nice crib on the beach, a way to make money, however illegal, and more female companions than a flock of seagulls. Thanks for reading and I'm glad you liked it.
I appreciate YOU always!
