A Quiet Riot
Two women under the thumb of someone mad11 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very good segment to your narrative. Here are a couple issues you might want to look at:
She turned her tear filled face to me - (tear-filled)
My suspicion nor my fears would abate though. - You need a comma after 'abate'.
The impression of peace with its tarnished face, would blow up. - You could use another comma to set off the phrase 'with its tarnished face' or not use either comma, it would be fine without them.
...or making yet, another mistake. - You don't need this comma.
Best wishes.
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Very good segment to your narrative. Here are a couple issues you might want to look at:
She turned her tear filled face to me - (tear-filled)
My suspicion nor my fears would abate though. - You need a comma after 'abate'.
The impression of peace with its tarnished face, would blow up. - You could use another comma to set off the phrase 'with its tarnished face' or not use either comma, it would be fine without them.
...or making yet, another mistake. - You don't need this comma.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
Comment from EILEEN LAW
This calls to mind a time in my own life. Waiting for the sound of footsteps, or the turn of the bedroom door knob. Would we be wakened by a slap to the face? Dragged out of bed?
I used to stare at the driveway hoping it would be one of those rare days when he would go out for a beer. It was very rare (he would drive home drunk) but on those days he was full of love. sometimes the wrong kind.
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This calls to mind a time in my own life. Waiting for the sound of footsteps, or the turn of the bedroom door knob. Would we be wakened by a slap to the face? Dragged out of bed?
I used to stare at the driveway hoping it would be one of those rare days when he would go out for a beer. It was very rare (he would drive home drunk) but on those days he was full of love. sometimes the wrong kind.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Unfortunately evil exists. Thank you for sharin this contest entry with us. You've done a wonderful job describing the situation and the emotions. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Unfortunately evil exists. Thank you for sharin this contest entry with us. You've done a wonderful job describing the situation and the emotions. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Thanks Barbara! I'm certainly glad that, uh, you found. Enjoy me in this.I don't even know what the word would be considering the subject matter. I do appreciate you.And all you words of encouragement and the great things you say beyond that. Hope you have the best day ever. Don't let the bed bugs bite l o l!
Comment from Jim Wile
I enjoyed each part of this post, Lea--the poem, the phone conversation between your uncle and mother, then the story from your memoir. What a reminder of the chaos of your early life where trouble seemed to follow you wherever you went. And you never knew what was normal or what life could and should be like.
Bad luck and true evil seemed to follow you, and you weren't responsible for any of it, yet you triumphed over it all because you refused to let yourself be victimized by it. Your strength of character and will saw you through, no matter how tough the going. And it's still serving you well.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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I enjoyed each part of this post, Lea--the poem, the phone conversation between your uncle and mother, then the story from your memoir. What a reminder of the chaos of your early life where trouble seemed to follow you wherever you went. And you never knew what was normal or what life could and should be like.
Bad luck and true evil seemed to follow you, and you weren't responsible for any of it, yet you triumphed over it all because you refused to let yourself be victimized by it. Your strength of character and will saw you through, no matter how tough the going. And it's still serving you well.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Jim, you couldn't have said a nicer thing than that! Touches me right in the heart thank you! I so appreciate you saying that completely wonderful validation.Not only from a writing aspect, but from a personal one, too. Thank you for this, and all that you do, please.Enjoy your day!
Comment from patcelaw
This is a beautifully written chapter for the book and I very much enjoyed listening to it. It flows very well. When is this read aloud your sentence structure and your paragraphing is all very well done may you have a wonderful day and may God bless your week. Patricia
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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This is a beautifully written chapter for the book and I very much enjoyed listening to it. It flows very well. When is this read aloud your sentence structure and your paragraphing is all very well done may you have a wonderful day and may God bless your week. Patricia
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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WowThank you again a rockin review you've given.Thank you for that! I'm glad that you liked it.You know, b subject matters a bit grim. Bit of an oxymoron, when you say like as opposed to love hate. how would you say that I wonder or something like this? Questions, always questions we navigate as best as we can. Thank you again, my friend.I totally appreciate you.Have a great day!
Comment from Tim Margetts
Lea, this is a great chapter in the book, it says so much, yet tells us nothing at all. That is a hard thing to get right.
It is gripping and leaves the mind screaming, more, I need to know more.
Tim x
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Lea, this is a great chapter in the book, it says so much, yet tells us nothing at all. That is a hard thing to get right.
It is gripping and leaves the mind screaming, more, I need to know more.
Tim x
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Tim that's just the greatest compliment! Thank you so much again. Your insight is quite good! You're welcome to have a perusal through my portfolio, and you can read and catch up at that point. Never mind they are the unedited version which you're welcome to read. I also have the flip book of my first book, which is the edited on the shelf version. Happy to send it to you if you wish. Thank you again. My friend always happy to see you here.Have a great day!
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I would be interested to see and read it indeed Lea.
How much of this tale is based on biographical accuracy?
Tim x
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Completely, as it's also being used in a lawsuit as well as a means of therapy for those who have went through or still going through work, what I did. Everything I am is in those pages. I spent a lifetime being told I was lying.They said that one too many times. ShowI blew the whistle, there was no choice. In the reading of the first book, which is written in the same format, a little bit of poetic license in the beginning at present, then into the past and then back to present again. I'm happy to send it if you wish.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I love the title, Quiet Riot. It drew me into reading this biography of your early life with an unstable mother figure who guided you or, more appropriately, forced you to live the life she wanted for you instead of letting you live your life the way you chose. This meaningful story needs to be read by everyone, whether they had an unstable early life or not. Keep The chapters coming.
Jesse
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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I love the title, Quiet Riot. It drew me into reading this biography of your early life with an unstable mother figure who guided you or, more appropriately, forced you to live the life she wanted for you instead of letting you live your life the way you chose. This meaningful story needs to be read by everyone, whether they had an unstable early life or not. Keep The chapters coming.
Jesse
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Hi Jesse! This is a chapter in a book which is in a series called The Spirit Series. My first book called "Ghost" is released globally. This chapter is from book 2 called "Spectre". Book 3 has some work done on it. If you like the unedited version of ghost and Spector send my portfolio, you're welcome to. Go through the first book can be. A difficult read because it involves alot of terror and pain and horror basically. It is necessary one though. It exposes my corrupt criminal family and the government who didn't dig deeper, while they falsified records. True crime autobiographical novel. What you read is about me when I was about fifteen or sixteen years old and how I lived at the time. Thank you for your wonderful.All right, you can do I appreciate it so much! I hope you have a grand day!
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Well, Lea. I can see you are well on your way to being a world-renowned writer. With two books already published and another on the way, all I can say is wow!
Jesse
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I have never understood how anyone who has loved someone would also mean them harm when things go wrong. When revenge starts, there is no stopping it and the cruelty is rife. I know you have experienced such hurt first hand Lea and you write your stories with experience. A deeply moving post, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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I have never understood how anyone who has loved someone would also mean them harm when things go wrong. When revenge starts, there is no stopping it and the cruelty is rife. I know you have experienced such hurt first hand Lea and you write your stories with experience. A deeply moving post, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Thank you Dolly. Always so incredibly understanding and insightful. When I write something like this, that is what I see in you.I appreciate it very much! I'm glad this. How I say liked it by.It's hard to say liking something along this type of subject matter. I'm glad you were impacted shall we say in a different way. Hi, thank you once again for your fine review I appreciate you taking the time. Hope you have a happy evening!
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I like you started out with a poem hat expressed your emotion. Then you wrote about some facts like the DNA tests that revealed secrets of your parents. Whether you and your sister have the same mom and dad? I have had a messy childhood, too. But my own life has been relatively calm and I'm super happy now at age 63. I will retire in two months and do whatever it pleases me.
Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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I like you started out with a poem hat expressed your emotion. Then you wrote about some facts like the DNA tests that revealed secrets of your parents. Whether you and your sister have the same mom and dad? I have had a messy childhood, too. But my own life has been relatively calm and I'm super happy now at age 63. I will retire in two months and do whatever it pleases me.
Well done.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Hi Jasmine! Super glad you like this! This chapter is from book two in the series called "Spectre" book one released globally. is called "Ghost". The unedited versions of both are in my portfolio.As well as the beginnings of the third. Oh, there's mom. There's dads or sisters, brothers, kids and uncles, all of them, it's a large dutch family. I wish I could say my life was calm. I'm almost 61 years old and just last June, they tried to have him run off the road because I exposed them. Can I expose the government?That's two things you don't make mad. It will not stop me from continuing. Direct until it's all out and then it just won't matter anymore, at least as far as me telling. Thank you, jasmine, I appreciate your review and your kind comments and your time most of all, I hope you're having an awesome evening!
Comment from joann r romei
This story made me uneasy, something sinister is happening in this house, either the children or Mrs. D is the victim or perhaps both. There are some errors , on was say, with the refrigerator, That was a great description of the emotions felt.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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This story made me uneasy, something sinister is happening in this house, either the children or Mrs. D is the victim or perhaps both. There are some errors , on was say, with the refrigerator, That was a great description of the emotions felt.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Hi, yes, I absolutely went through it. Edited it. I thank you very much for pointing it out. Because that's what helps make a good writer is feedback? You provided what I needed.Thank you that's a great gift! I thank you too for you.Awesome comments.Your time and the great writing you've provided! I hope you and yours are having a rockin day!
