Burn It All Down
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Game Tightens"A war of a few against a syndicate
4 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
You have the ability to build the suspense and but the reader on the edge of the moment, waiting and fearing what will come next...With that said, sometimes, but it is your style and that's fine, the story seems to drag on, almost repeating the moment again... But the cliffhanger at the end was awesome!
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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You have the ability to build the suspense and but the reader on the edge of the moment, waiting and fearing what will come next...With that said, sometimes, but it is your style and that's fine, the story seems to drag on, almost repeating the moment again... But the cliffhanger at the end was awesome!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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thanks this is what i need toknow before publishing
Comment from Elias Noor
This story is gripping, with an intense atmosphere and excellent pacing that builds suspense effectively. The vivid descriptions of the forest, traps, and Alex's thoughts immerse the reader. However, there are moments where the narrative could be tightened to maintain momentum, and occasional overuse of detail slightly detracts from the tension. The dynamic between Alex and Grayson is compelling, though Grayson's motives could be hinted at more to deepen the intrigue.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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This story is gripping, with an intense atmosphere and excellent pacing that builds suspense effectively. The vivid descriptions of the forest, traps, and Alex's thoughts immerse the reader. However, there are moments where the narrative could be tightened to maintain momentum, and occasional overuse of detail slightly detracts from the tension. The dynamic between Alex and Grayson is compelling, though Grayson's motives could be hinted at more to deepen the intrigue.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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thanks this is what i need toknow before publishing
Comment from lancellot
Sometimes a cat and mouse game can go too long. It gives the reader times to notice things and ask questions.
notes:
He wasn't alone out here not anymore.
-Why would he think that. Of course, he's not and never was.
The first trap came an hour into the trail.
-The next trap came an hour into the trail. He'd already defused one.
"Grayson," Alex called out, his voice steady. "You've got nowhere to go."
-Wait, why didn't he shoot? Why is he speaking to a man he is hunting? Why didn't Grayson kill Alex, while he was disarming a trap?
A sudden movement a flash of something in the corner of his eye.
- edit this line.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Sometimes a cat and mouse game can go too long. It gives the reader times to notice things and ask questions.
notes:
He wasn't alone out here not anymore.
-Why would he think that. Of course, he's not and never was.
The first trap came an hour into the trail.
-The next trap came an hour into the trail. He'd already defused one.
"Grayson," Alex called out, his voice steady. "You've got nowhere to go."
-Wait, why didn't he shoot? Why is he speaking to a man he is hunting? Why didn't Grayson kill Alex, while he was disarming a trap?
A sudden movement a flash of something in the corner of his eye.
- edit this line.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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you're right, never thought about it that way but also the answers you get to those questions may not turn out to be what you thought in the end
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I loved your story! The tension was there from the first line. I was completely drawn into Alex's hunt. Your descriptions made everything feel so real. I especially liked how the traps showed Grayson's cunning. You built suspense so well. That final twist left me wanting more. This story has such a thrilling feel - great work!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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I loved your story! The tension was there from the first line. I was completely drawn into Alex's hunt. Your descriptions made everything feel so real. I especially liked how the traps showed Grayson's cunning. You built suspense so well. That final twist left me wanting more. This story has such a thrilling feel - great work!
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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thanks, i just put up 4
