Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Born Enemies: Destiny's Own Time"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
19 total reviews
Comment from amanda98653
This is an excellent chapter, Mikey. I like the conflicts Allutia is facing here. She's clearly in love.
Suggestions:
1. He found most advice to be short(-) sighted
2. but it elevated him to near(-) god status
3. He raised his hand and the(y) all came to a stop.
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This is an excellent chapter, Mikey. I like the conflicts Allutia is facing here. She's clearly in love.
Suggestions:
1. He found most advice to be short(-) sighted
2. but it elevated him to near(-) god status
3. He raised his hand and the(y) all came to a stop.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2014
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Rachel owes you one! Still having problems with the internet, I assume. Great story, Mikey. I got a bit behind and am now catching up. On to the next chapter . . .
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Rachel owes you one! Still having problems with the internet, I assume. Great story, Mikey. I got a bit behind and am now catching up. On to the next chapter . . .
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
Comment from ravenblack
The plight of Tibertin and Allutia verges, well, not verges, but is Shakespearean, the doomed lovers kept apart by fate. But they won't be for long- death will unite them again a thousand years down the road.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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The plight of Tibertin and Allutia verges, well, not verges, but is Shakespearean, the doomed lovers kept apart by fate. But they won't be for long- death will unite them again a thousand years down the road.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Yes. Thank you. It's hard for me to keep it realistic since I'm Mr. Happy Ending, but like you say, there are more stories to come. Appreciate all the input. It keeps me on track. Mikey
Comment from CR Delport
I finished editing and published my new Army book today, so now I can get caught up on my reading. Another well written chapter that flows nicely. Spotted no obvious errors.
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I finished editing and published my new Army book today, so now I can get caught up on my reading. Another well written chapter that flows nicely. Spotted no obvious errors.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
Oh, such star-crossed lovers in Allutia and Tibertin. Anxious to see who is the victor, who is the slave and who is the master.
A couple suggestions:
1. "minimal guard compliment"--as you've used it, should be spelled "complement"
2. "He raised his hand and the all came to a stop"--"the" should be "they"
Excellent descriptive narrative. I am anxious to read your report of the battle.
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Oh, such star-crossed lovers in Allutia and Tibertin. Anxious to see who is the victor, who is the slave and who is the master.
A couple suggestions:
1. "minimal guard compliment"--as you've used it, should be spelled "complement"
2. "He raised his hand and the all came to a stop"--"the" should be "they"
Excellent descriptive narrative. I am anxious to read your report of the battle.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Great chapter with lots of action and interesting twists. Guess, the real showdown is on the horizon. I like the tender telepathic moments in between. Most enjoyable Faye
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Great chapter with lots of action and interesting twists. Guess, the real showdown is on the horizon. I like the tender telepathic moments in between. Most enjoyable Faye
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, what a great visual of the battle field and the massing of troops of one of the two greatest empires of all time. It feels as if it is an eye-witness account. Well done, my friend. :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, what a great visual of the battle field and the massing of troops of one of the two greatest empires of all time. It feels as if it is an eye-witness account. Well done, my friend. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: Who is Martius? A slave child? I think that you like the A names, did you find them from history? I like your descriptions and storyline with the mysteries intertwined. They enjoyed the wind as it wove freely through her hair is my favorite image. Where did she get the horse? Being a general's daughter she probably knew how to ride horses. Do the other slaves ride and escape? So much to write..can't wait for more Michael. What time is this time frame? What land are they conquering? Thanks for sharing your story.
flylikeaneagle
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Michael: Who is Martius? A slave child? I think that you like the A names, did you find them from history? I like your descriptions and storyline with the mysteries intertwined. They enjoyed the wind as it wove freely through her hair is my favorite image. Where did she get the horse? Being a general's daughter she probably knew how to ride horses. Do the other slaves ride and escape? So much to write..can't wait for more Michael. What time is this time frame? What land are they conquering? Thanks for sharing your story.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from seaglass
Converging of armies will make for a blood bath. We must stand by and see how it unravels. I'm breathless waiting to see which of our main characters die in this war.
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Converging of armies will make for a blood bath. We must stand by and see how it unravels. I'm breathless waiting to see which of our main characters die in this war.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from Sankey
Great chapter, mate. Spag free surprise surprise. Improvement on the rise ha! Hope you are comimg back to check out some of the newer revisions mate.
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Great chapter, mate. Spag free surprise surprise. Improvement on the rise ha! Hope you are comimg back to check out some of the newer revisions mate.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
