Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "Possible New Home, Valerius Inquires"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
16 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I apologize for taking so long to get to this. I have been preoccupied with personal business and am now trying to catch up. Excellent chapter. I was able to pick up where I left off with no trouble and found this to be a superb chapter. You are doing such a marvelous job with this story. I continue to fear for the children and find this story absolutely fascinating.
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I apologize for taking so long to get to this. I have been preoccupied with personal business and am now trying to catch up. Excellent chapter. I was able to pick up where I left off with no trouble and found this to be a superb chapter. You are doing such a marvelous job with this story. I continue to fear for the children and find this story absolutely fascinating.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2014
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Interesting dialog between Cicero and Valerius. These are the Dark Ages, but can't help but notice that in our 'age of enlightenment' many still seek to eliminate those they don't understand. Good chapter, Michael.
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Interesting dialog between Cicero and Valerius. These are the Dark Ages, but can't help but notice that in our 'age of enlightenment' many still seek to eliminate those they don't understand. Good chapter, Michael.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good. I suggest you rework that last sentence, though. It's a bit confusing.
>> Does not the Lord, Himself, show visions others do not see? Saul on the road to Damascus saw the Lord Jesus clear as day when no one else did. Was he possessed by a demon?
That logic should appeal to the churchy types, but has he tried telling it to Leopold? Or would it matter.. probably not, since his goal is not to battle demons, but to kill again. He gets a kick from it.
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Very good. I suggest you rework that last sentence, though. It's a bit confusing.
>> Does not the Lord, Himself, show visions others do not see? Saul on the road to Damascus saw the Lord Jesus clear as day when no one else did. Was he possessed by a demon?
That logic should appeal to the churchy types, but has he tried telling it to Leopold? Or would it matter.. probably not, since his goal is not to battle demons, but to kill again. He gets a kick from it.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2014
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
Another gripping chapter, Michael. Your dialogue is so believable. I especially enjoyed the last section between Cicero and Valerious. Valerius is raising true but very dangerous ideas for his time. He needs to be careful...
Some things:
'Yes, I bring news and not pleasant news I'm afraid.' Would 'but' be better than 'and' here?
'I am nearby(,) of course.'
'Abramus smiled slightly(,) realizing this to be a visit borne of urgency.'
'Petrus sat in the kitchen with weariness.' I know you're trying to avoid an adverb, but this doesn't really work. Perhaps, 'Petrus sat in the kitchen, overcome with weariness.'
'...took off after Florentina(,) who ran from her...'
'You are acquainted with Rastavius whom I met(,) then?'
'I understand that he and Leopold killed a young girl...' This sentence reads fine without 'that'.
'It is often difficult to comprehend (the) power of evil.'
'...twisting and churning inside of them(,) causing them to do harm to others.'
Great chapter, Michael. Looking forward to the next.
Ant
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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Another gripping chapter, Michael. Your dialogue is so believable. I especially enjoyed the last section between Cicero and Valerious. Valerius is raising true but very dangerous ideas for his time. He needs to be careful...
Some things:
'Yes, I bring news and not pleasant news I'm afraid.' Would 'but' be better than 'and' here?
'I am nearby(,) of course.'
'Abramus smiled slightly(,) realizing this to be a visit borne of urgency.'
'Petrus sat in the kitchen with weariness.' I know you're trying to avoid an adverb, but this doesn't really work. Perhaps, 'Petrus sat in the kitchen, overcome with weariness.'
'...took off after Florentina(,) who ran from her...'
'You are acquainted with Rastavius whom I met(,) then?'
'I understand that he and Leopold killed a young girl...' This sentence reads fine without 'that'.
'It is often difficult to comprehend (the) power of evil.'
'...twisting and churning inside of them(,) causing them to do harm to others.'
Great chapter, Michael. Looking forward to the next.
Ant
Comment Written 20-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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Thanks for the great encouragement. I so appreciate the details on SPAG. I am still learning and began here with horrible skills. I've improved quite a bit, but still struggling. This helps a great deal. I know it takes time and I can't thank you enough. Delighted you like the story. This is one that I enjoy myself. mikey
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My pleasure. :)
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Another dandy. Good character interactions. Good plot. Getting a feeling of the time. They speak in an awkward manner compared to us. The cottage reminds me of the cottage on Hansel & Gredal. A story book cobblestone brownstone cottage. Some humor ans suspense. Informative chapter. Count your doubloon. wackydo
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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Another dandy. Good character interactions. Good plot. Getting a feeling of the time. They speak in an awkward manner compared to us. The cottage reminds me of the cottage on Hansel & Gredal. A story book cobblestone brownstone cottage. Some humor ans suspense. Informative chapter. Count your doubloon. wackydo
Comment Written 20-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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I think I'm used to their speech patterns now. They take a little longer to say things and everything moves a little slower. Glad you picked up on that. Thank you, mikey
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The language seemed forced. I knew you were trying to capture the way they spoke. Foreign accent. I hope it don't rub off and you turn medievil and speak words in that fashion. You wife may wonder... why does my Mikey speak in this tongue? Will review tonight, and catch up with your chapters. I need the doubloon and the rankings. Later Lion King
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: I think that the kids will have fun camping out in the woods. Maybe, the wolves will warn the kids when the evil priest come looking. The priests need to spend more time in worship and Jesus will remove the demons. Have fun with this. You must spend night and day writing. Well done. Happy THanksgiving!
flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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Michael: I think that the kids will have fun camping out in the woods. Maybe, the wolves will warn the kids when the evil priest come looking. The priests need to spend more time in worship and Jesus will remove the demons. Have fun with this. You must spend night and day writing. Well done. Happy THanksgiving!
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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Good idea with the wolves. I just may have them make an appearance. Good advice for the priests. Somehow I don't think they would listen. :) True, I don't sleep much. I write fast though. Ha! mikey
Comment from angelface2
I am glad you are listing the characters, as it sometimes is hard to keep them straight. But who is Rastavius? Good chapter. :>D Miss sally
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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I am glad you are listing the characters, as it sometimes is hard to keep them straight. But who is Rastavius? Good chapter. :>D Miss sally
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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Rastavius is a mentor to Leopold. He is a big wig in Constantinople who has turned Leopold into the fanatic he has become. Leopold visited him and Rastavius got inside his head basically. Pleased you are enjoying and following. Thank you, mikey
Comment from Nosha17
I am glad they are finding refuge for the poor children. I liked the reference to the Bible to demonstrate the point Valerius was making, I am sure it will not have any effect on the fanatical souls. Enjoyable as always. I left you a congratulatory note on your profile page-congrats again on your honour. Faye
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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I am glad they are finding refuge for the poor children. I liked the reference to the Bible to demonstrate the point Valerius was making, I am sure it will not have any effect on the fanatical souls. Enjoyable as always. I left you a congratulatory note on your profile page-congrats again on your honour. Faye
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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I received your note. Thank you. I'm surprised. I didn't expect to actually win this soon. I thought that would be a next year type thing. :) Glad you're liking this. Gotta protect the kids somehow. Sense doesn't seem to effect fanatics. True then and true now. Thank you, mikey
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. I see the children have a safe place for now. Julia will be good for the younger children. Valerius is seeking information from the other side. They do not value life. Just the after life. Great work.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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I love the story. I see the children have a safe place for now. Julia will be good for the younger children. Valerius is seeking information from the other side. They do not value life. Just the after life. Great work.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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That's a great line. "They do not value life. Just the after life." You have it on the money right there. Love it!! I'm so pleased you like the story and are following along. I do read every review with great delight and appreciation. I'm just buried!!!! Thank you so much, mikey
Comment from Tatarka2
It seems to me that this just gets better all the time. You make the points you want to make (i.e., about the church, and the beliefs about mental illness, the creativity of children) without hammering them home to the reader. Rather, you tell them through these unusual characters. I love the premise of this story, and I'm glad you've toned down the use of the florid dialogue a bit. I think it makes the piece more readable.
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It seems to me that this just gets better all the time. You make the points you want to make (i.e., about the church, and the beliefs about mental illness, the creativity of children) without hammering them home to the reader. Rather, you tell them through these unusual characters. I love the premise of this story, and I'm glad you've toned down the use of the florid dialogue a bit. I think it makes the piece more readable.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
