Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "The Priests Who Cried Wolf"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
14 total reviews
Comment from Joe_P
Sorry for the delay. The holiday kept me busy. Your story is suspenseful. It teleports me to another age. The howling wolves is a nice touch and accentuates the evil that is present. Keep up the great work.
Notes:
1. "Cervantes was shaking..." Cervantes shook.
2. "Hush. Everyone. A horse." Change to: "Hush, everyone, a horse."
3. "Do you find me to be in league with some great conspiracy? I sense you feel me untrustworthy." Reverse the sentences (second sentence first). It increases the tension of the moment.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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Sorry for the delay. The holiday kept me busy. Your story is suspenseful. It teleports me to another age. The howling wolves is a nice touch and accentuates the evil that is present. Keep up the great work.
Notes:
1. "Cervantes was shaking..." Cervantes shook.
2. "Hush. Everyone. A horse." Change to: "Hush, everyone, a horse."
3. "Do you find me to be in league with some great conspiracy? I sense you feel me untrustworthy." Reverse the sentences (second sentence first). It increases the tension of the moment.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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Good points. I think I will do all of that. Excellent take on reversing the sentences, I agree. I'm buried so horrible with replies. Your reviews are great and I read every word. Please don't stop. I just put reviewing first and that is all I can do to try and keep up. Great tips. thank you, mikey
Comment from nordicgirl
Oh boy!! Her we go. Wolves in the forest and yummy evil priests on the menu. You have this set up, now we wait for delivery. We want blood. Ha!
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Oh boy!! Her we go. Wolves in the forest and yummy evil priests on the menu. You have this set up, now we wait for delivery. We want blood. Ha!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Great chapter. The tension is through the roof. People are in motion all over this story. Will Valerius make it in time to rescue Julia? Will the villagers finally rise up and tell the priests to knock it off. They won't be satisfied with what they're trying.
Great work. Looking forward to the next chapter.
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Great chapter. The tension is through the roof. People are in motion all over this story. Will Valerius make it in time to rescue Julia? Will the villagers finally rise up and tell the priests to knock it off. They won't be satisfied with what they're trying.
Great work. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
Comment from Sankey
Still plenty of excitement through here mate. Good reading throughout and suspense and nuttery from the priestery ho hum.We need some "He - or person's name - said or she said" after some of the dialogue mate. I get confused as to whom is speaking etc. at times. I noticed after I wrote this you did improve on identification of the one's speaking or whatever,
He brings (me to?)you to declare me in good health to further his claims of my possession.
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Still plenty of excitement through here mate. Good reading throughout and suspense and nuttery from the priestery ho hum.We need some "He - or person's name - said or she said" after some of the dialogue mate. I get confused as to whom is speaking etc. at times. I noticed after I wrote this you did improve on identification of the one's speaking or whatever,
He brings (me to?)you to declare me in good health to further his claims of my possession.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
Comment from robina1978
I really enjoyed the picture that complements your chapter very well. After a bit the doctor senses Julia and probably Florentina might be in danger. They go and look for them.
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I really enjoyed the picture that complements your chapter very well. After a bit the doctor senses Julia and probably Florentina might be in danger. They go and look for them.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
We seemed to be getting very near a crisis point. Of course I've said that before.
Valerius needs to exercise more judgement, in my opinion. All it takes is Travis to speak of Cicero's evil ambition and Valerius considers him an ally and tells him everything. Travis could have been a plant. I hope I am wrong.
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We seemed to be getting very near a crisis point. Of course I've said that before.
Valerius needs to exercise more judgement, in my opinion. All it takes is Travis to speak of Cicero's evil ambition and Valerius considers him an ally and tells him everything. Travis could have been a plant. I hope I am wrong.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2014
Comment from Nosha17
I hope that turkey does not take long to prepare and cook so you can get back to writing the next chapter! We want to know if those murdering priests have their own way or maybe, meet a sticky end at the hands or jaws of the wolves. I am serious. Good solution. Super chapter, as always. Faye
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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I hope that turkey does not take long to prepare and cook so you can get back to writing the next chapter! We want to know if those murdering priests have their own way or maybe, meet a sticky end at the hands or jaws of the wolves. I am serious. Good solution. Super chapter, as always. Faye
Comment Written 27-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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I'll try to get to it today. So pleased you're enjoying. mikwy
Comment from seaglass
Wish the wolves would take them out. This plot continues to develop with interesting details. One correction...
"stir up fervor in those he consults (with)" it's best to no end a sentence in a proposition. Might try, "stir up fervor in those with whom he consults."
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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Wish the wolves would take them out. This plot continues to develop with interesting details. One correction...
"stir up fervor in those he consults (with)" it's best to no end a sentence in a proposition. Might try, "stir up fervor in those with whom he consults."
Comment Written 27-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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I know, I need to KILL somebody. Hahaha. Yeah, the preposition thing. It sounds funny to me the right way and it sounds right the wrong way. I usually fix it though. I love this segment and I don't want it to end. It's becoming a problem! I have to start concluding it somehow... mikey
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Prepositions get me too since we don't worry about them when we speak. Jay Spires always catches me on one and makes me fix it to get my five stars.
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I have to fix my "thats". I use "that" instead of "who" and use "that" when I don't need it. I spend ten minutes before I post doing my "Jay edit". :)
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LOL< he's a stickler but very knowledgeable. he doesn't like using thoughts in italics. After a few rounds of that I finally told him we would have to agree to disagree cuz I like it. LOL
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Yep. Me too. Thoughts in italics rule!
Comment from Sasha
I wish I had a 6 to give you for this one. You really did a great job building the fear and tension of all the characters being pursued by Rastavius and Cervantes. I anxiously await the next chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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I wish I had a 6 to give you for this one. You really did a great job building the fear and tension of all the characters being pursued by Rastavius and Cervantes. I anxiously await the next chapter.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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I'm getting to the point where I have to conclude something, but I love this story and I don't want to stop writing it! HAhaha. Gotta kill at least one of these rotten priests!!! mikey
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Oh hell, kill them all!!
Comment from emrpoems
Another of your well penned chapters. would have loved to see those priests get what they deserve.Good plot that you have well developed
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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Another of your well penned chapters. would have loved to see those priests get what they deserve.Good plot that you have well developed
Comment Written 27-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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They are about to get into a bit of a fix! I pleased you like this. I love writing this, I really don't want it to end. :) Thank you, mikey
